The worst part of breaking up is thinking of what you could have said, that final comeback that would land the killer blow. to utter it you would need to reconnect and therefore break the number one rule of breakups, being the first to say something.
I’ve been in the situation where a friendship has collapsed and finished with a “have a good life” while being, what I felt, was the injured party. Every so often I wish I’d said what I’d felt or just took a pot shot. It may have made me feel better at the time but would it have sat as well over time?
The danger with the disintegration of a close relationship is that there is plenty of hurt in the locker. Events from the past can be dragged up and used against you, or even distorted and lied about. The toxification of the past can turn good memories bad and leave you feeling even worse.
Pride takes a hit and the only solution is to fight back against the trashing of your memories. Even though you know it will keep the fire burning you want to attack to even up the score. If you sit passively by taking the punches you are inviting another emotional slap across the face.
When you are the wronged party this is the wrong tactic, because it is very easy to be the bad guy because your every word and action will be held up by the aggressor as a justification to their behaviour. I had it with the Nobber and Bridezilla, despite being at a low ebb I knew that should I say anything it would play into their narrative about me being “unsupportive”.
The only way for you to win is to lose. You have to suck it up and be beaten vocally. So you lose a friend and your dignity, but you can wake up the next day and look at yourself in the mirror and know you did nothing wrong. You may not have to deal with them anymore, but you still have to live with yourself.
By keeping quiet you leave the chance of a future reconciliation in their court. You don’t have to apologise for anything. It is your feelings that are hurt, your reputation trashed, and if they don’t recognise that then what have you lost?
I’ve seen the Nobber since, and could look him on the eyes and know I was clean. In the end we all bump into those who are no longer close and what kind of reaction do you want?
If you can hug and carry on then you know they were a true friend. If they do all they can to avoid and forget you, well perhaps you should have said something after all.
Just make sure mirror you doesn’t judge.
Viva Ergo Sum 