They say life is too short to hold a grudge, but it’s also to short to try and maintain an unhappy peace. I’ve had my life’s big fallout and it taught me an important lesson, it is not easy to forgive or forget.
I’m also not sure I want to.
I know too many people who get burnt time and again because they forgave some for their misdemeanours only to see a repeat of the original offence. They may have been fooled once but to be fooled a second time? We are told that to err is human and to forgive divine, well due to my lack of omnipotence I’m not going to let those who trespass against me off the hook.
If you make a mistake it is going to be either due to incompetence or malice. If it is the former then what is going to stop you next time? If it is the latter then you are going to stray again. Either way my forgiveness is going to be forgotten and thrown back in my face.
It is much easier to stay angry rather than to heal, there are all these steps to follow to be truly able to say you accept someone else causing you pain and that you still want them to be part of your life. It is much simpler to just stew and get increasingly irate behind their backs.
Living through gritted teeth or living without, these seem to be the only two options I can see. I’ve already made the decision on one friendship after being dumped at the pre-alter (see the tale of The Nobber) and it has been much easier to move on. Then again I’m also a terrible person, but not so terrible as I would do anything to hurt someone.
As we were watching a comedy show tonight one of the characters became tempted by some office flirtation, at which point Mrs V turned to me with a look that said “don’t you do that”. After I refused to apologise for something I had not yet not done I told her that I would never give her a reason for me to ask her forgiveness.
Maybe that’s why I still hold grudges, I don’t know what it is like to need forgiveness?
Viva Ergo Sum 
3 replies on “Trying to hold a grudge”
In my humble opinion and experienced. I think in deep pain we can’t or struggle to understand what to forgive and forget. But, one in the future you will get to understand why. The why us simple, we remain stuck if we don’t. But, before we get to that point, we may vent, repeat the hurt again and again, and it becomes a cycle. Then one day you will get bored or through other changes in your life you will let go naturally, or you might need to work at it.
I don’t know if this helpful.
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I understand why anyone holds grudges. How long can you do it? There are moments I say to myself I’ll never forgive him/her. But when they come with a sad face, I cannot hold grudge anymore.
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Holding grudges requires a lot more energy on the part of the grudger than the grudgee!
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