A step towards delegating

In which I’ll do it myself.

Delegate.

A word I hear all the time.

Delegate. v. entrust (a task or responsibility) to another person, typically one who is less senior than oneself. – Google definition

The feeling out letting go fills me with fear, I want to do everything myself. That way I know it will get done and (possibly) get done to the standard I expect. Results show that, in the end, nothing gets done and it would have been better to relinquish a little control.

Both for productivity and my own health, yet the martyr in me looks at delegate as a dirty word who’s meaning I don’t understand.

Delegate. v. relinquish control or become disappointed when not done – Geek Ergo Sum definition

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Rejecting rejection

In which I refuse to let people refuse me things.

It’s not as though rejection is ever an experience you want, yet it will almost be certainly one that every one will have gone through in their life. I think Rudyard Kipling put it very well, it’s the Bear Necessity of life that If you treat triumph and disaster the same then yours is the Earth my son.

Nobody likes to be told that they are not good enough, we don’t go out intentionally to do a bad job or interview so when you get told that you best wasn’t good enough then you start to doubt yourself. You don’t consider that you may have been in the 100 metre sprint with Usain Bolt it’s the natural reaction to try to analyse what you did wrong.

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Having an office cold

In which I’m being poisoned by the air con.

A tube of Pringles, turning back time, a couple of loaves and fish. There are things that are meant to be shared, not among these are viruses and bacterial infections.

When the end comes for humanity it will not be through war or the murderous tendencies of Beliebers but via sickness. Contrary to what the movies tell you it will not be because of mass international transit or zombies, the reason we will all get Gnu Flu is because of modern offices and the sickness absence policy of big business. We are all going to perish at the hands of HR.

Along with the D-Day landings, Erin Brokovic or Bilbo the greatest act of bravery the ordinary person can demonstrate is going into the office with a cold. Despite having a highly infectious illness in such a compact environment that encourages the transmission of the flu bug the worker will struggle in to show the kind of commitment that is demanded by the modern work culture.

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Dealing with stupid job interviews

In which I’ll list my weaknesses as strengths.

I’m pretty comfortable being talkative and answering any questions, the gibberish I write here will show I am happy to answer most questions (even if the answer is nonsensical). In most social situations I am happy to wax lyrical when any poser is presented to me. All apart from one form of conversation.

The job interview.

I do actually enjoy them in some way. This may sound weird as most people I know hate them with a vengeance, but I think that they are a great way of reminding yourself what you are good at once you get past the tied tongue.

I may have been lucky in that I have only ever attended ‘good’ ones, where the person opposite me on the table is actually interested in finding out about me.

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Well done for doing your job

In which I refuse to compete for a plaque.

Every month the company I work for run a company wide recognition scheme, it is open to all individuals and is a similar programme to those I have experienced in other places of work. The greatest part about this recognition scheme is how every wins every month. No matter how good or poor you are you win a prize, and that prize is handily deposited into your bank account and you receive a certificate with details of how much you won.

This is the recognition I need for my job, this little donation to helping me keep my way of life is the reward I get for dedicating 35 hours a week to the needs of a company. I do this for you and what you do allows me to spend weekends with Mrs G or buy pretty things for the Feliciraptor. It is a perfect arrangement. What disturbs the waters is when “Recognition Schemes” come into play.

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Don’t tell me no

In which I accept your challenge.

Other than riding my bike up the street the wrong way I’m a very good boy. I try to stay out of trouble for a number of reasons, like it is a cramp on my lifestyle to be in prison and I’d have to explain why I’m entangled with the Po-Po to my family. Neither of these are particularly attractive options.

As a result I try not to break the rules, I’m scared of being caught and of the consequences. Instead I prefer to push against the boundaries of bureaucracy and see how far I can bend them to my will. I am much happier to teeter along the edge of genius and failure.

The other option is to find the loophole in the rules and exploit them. I subscribe to Alexander the Great’s Gordian knot solution, if the laws of the game are ill-defined then use that to your ability.

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