Corporate cuddles

In which I join a company sanctioned hug and get a branded mug.

Tell us why you love us

Today we are having a corporate hug-a-thon where I am being asked to keep a record of the number of cups of tea I’m drinking and how many times I say ‘fun’. All the while being encouraged to fill in my log book of joy so it can be collected by a secret cabal of happiness makers for some non-nefarious reason.

Now that may come of sounding a little cynical, but I can never get on board when a company tries to make individuals feel better about their job by making us all sit around a campfire singing a customer service kumbaya.

Not that I am against such activities, but as a Brit I feel that I have an inherent cultural disdain when authority tries to implement fun on me. When the ‘powers that be’ try to get all touchy-feely it hits my ‘special spot’ and means that I repress the feelings of shiny with sarcasm and cynicism.

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Keeping a tidy desk

In which desk clutter is a symptom of a cluttered mind.

The issue with my empty desk top is not that it is super-tidy, at some points it can be stupidly messy covered in pieces of paper and random parts of calculations, but that it is empty. At the end of each days work I am able to clear everything away and for all intents appear like I don’t even exist.

This applies equally, and more so, for my work desk. I’ve been told by countless managers that the appearance of my desk makes it look like I either have left or don’t do any work. Mostly the don’t do any work, but it does make the process of leaving a job easy.

It’s not that I’m naturally a tidy person. Ask Ma GeekErgoSum, she will have plenty of anecdotes about the state of my bedroom when I was younger (especially the ‘science’ experiments) and currently the Maison G is a bit of a mess. This is the reason I need to maintain order around my workspace. Continue reading “Keeping a tidy desk”

How hot can an office be?

In which the air-con wars begin.

The current hot topic of the office is the temperature. Not the fact that Summer seems to be trying to get a foothold here in England (and being as successful as Esperanto) and the mercury is rising slowly from cold to mild, but that we are now working at an ambient temperature of the Mediterranean. In fact here are the places on Earth that are currently hotter than the desk I’m sitting at:

Hot places on Earth

We are still waiting to break through the magical 26c barrier (or for my non-metric readers 78.8f) as the feeling is that it will be some watershed moment like when petrol (gasoline) passed the 99.9p per litre (errr…some dollars per gallon) level. Yet as we sit here boiling in our skins is there a limit to what temperature we can be made to work at?

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A step towards delegating

In which I’ll do it myself.

Delegate.

A word I hear all the time.

Delegate. v. entrust (a task or responsibility) to another person, typically one who is less senior than oneself. – Google definition

The feeling out letting go fills me with fear, I want to do everything myself. That way I know it will get done and (possibly) get done to the standard I expect. Results show that, in the end, nothing gets done and it would have been better to relinquish a little control.

Both for productivity and my own health, yet the martyr in me looks at delegate as a dirty word who’s meaning I don’t understand.

Delegate. v. relinquish control or become disappointed when not done – Geek Ergo Sum definition

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Having an office cold

In which I’m being poisoned by the air con.

A tube of Pringles, turning back time, a couple of loaves and fish. There are things that are meant to be shared, not among these are viruses and bacterial infections.

When the end comes for humanity it will not be through war or the murderous tendencies of Beliebers but via sickness. Contrary to what the movies tell you it will not be because of mass international transit or zombies, the reason we will all get Gnu Flu is because of modern offices and the sickness absence policy of big business. We are all going to perish at the hands of HR.

Along with the D-Day landings, Erin Brokovic or Bilbo the greatest act of bravery the ordinary person can demonstrate is going into the office with a cold. Despite having a highly infectious illness in such a compact environment that encourages the transmission of the flu bug the worker will struggle in to show the kind of commitment that is demanded by the modern work culture.

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Dealing with stupid job interviews

In which I’ll list my weaknesses as strengths.

I’m pretty comfortable being talkative and answering any questions, the gibberish I write here will show I am happy to answer most questions (even if the answer is nonsensical). In most social situations I am happy to wax lyrical when any poser is presented to me. All apart from one form of conversation.

The job interview.

I do actually enjoy them in some way. This may sound weird as most people I know hate them with a vengeance, but I think that they are a great way of reminding yourself what you are good at once you get past the tied tongue.

I may have been lucky in that I have only ever attended ‘good’ ones, where the person opposite me on the table is actually interested in finding out about me.

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