In which I tell you the tale of the horror from the cocoon.
Let me tell you a true story of terror and horror, the nightmare of demonic Lepidoptera.
It was the summer of 2005; a young Lindsay Lohan was staring in Herbie: Fully Loaded, Phil Mickelson was winning the PGA championship and George W bush was telling Louisiana residents not to worry about a little storm called Katrina.
It was at this time, in a small maisonette flat in Bedworth, that a young man made a fateful decision to ‘let some air in’ and opened a window.
And let the devil in.
Continue reading “The Vampire Butterfly”
In which I am visited by a third spirit.
<—-Read Part 3
The third spirit
A crawling feeling woke Scrooge up, and after checking on WebMD decided that it was either ebola, the effects of stress or a potential infestation of spirits.
The sight of the night’s final ghost led to him eliminating stress.
“What do you have to tell me spirit? What sage words can you offer me?”
The spirit did not reply.
“Why do you not talk spirit, do you bear grim news?”
The spirit did not reply.
Scrooge grasped the spectre by the shoulders and shook him “What vision do you have that you cannot bear to speak?”
Slowly the spirit raised his hands towards his face, and took his earphones out.
Continue reading “A Valentines Carol – Part 4”
In which I am visited by a second spirit.
<—–Read part 2
The second spirit.
“Oi, wake up.”
“Eh, what, who is that?”
Blurrily Scrooge awoke to come face to face with the second spirit.
“I am the ghost of Valentine’s Presents” the spirit proclaimed proudly, “First some ground rules, no puns and we are going to get this chapter done in the style of Twitter.”
GhostVPresents: @valentines_scrooge Excellent, Valentine’s is about demonstrating your love #truemeaning #valentines
valentines_scrooge: @GhostVPresents but should you do this differently on Feb 14th? #loveisforevery day #valentines Continue reading “A Valentines Carol – Part 3”
In which I am visited by the first spirit.
The first spirit.
With these words echoing still around the house, like a conversation on Skype, Scrooge retired to bed. Immediately he fell asleep to keep the length of this story down.
As he lay in fitful slumber, a noise awoke him.
“Whose there?” Scrooge asked nervously.
“Who’s there” came the reply for, unlike the writer of this story, the first spirit was a stickler for good grammar. “’Tis I, the spirit of Valentine’s past come to show you things about your childhood that are pertinent to the current feelings you have about this time of year”.
As the spirit said this the room grew foggy.
Continue reading “A Valentines Carol – Part 2”
In which romance was dead: to begin with.
Romance was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of it’s burial was signed by the clergy, the media, the government, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it. And Scrooge’s name was good upon ‘Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Romance was as dead as the flowers you get from a garage.
Scrooge was a miserly and grumpy sod, his chief dislike of Valentine’s day came from the soppy behaviour of others on this special day. And also the crass obligation people feel to buy stuff for others, his two dislikes were soppiness and obligations; and the constant coverage it seemed to get on the internet. His three dislikes were soppiness, obligation and bloggers; and teddy bears holding hearts.
As he sat one February 13th in his cold and dark house eating his dinner of lamb’s heart and potatoes, an apparition appeared before him. Continue reading “A Valentines Carol – Part 1”