The joy of Marmite

In which I very much love it.

The Menu.

Ingredients: Pure savoury heaven (or hell)

Preparation: Knife into jar and spread

Cost: £2.00 for a big jar

Amuse-bouche

I’m going to put my position out there straight away. I love it. I understand that how you feel towards Marmite clouds many people’s judgement. For some just being able to smell it without retching is a sign that you are in league with the anti-Christ.

So when Marmite released their new advert I thought it was hilarious, I’ve know plenty who have semi-abandoned jars in their cupboards, I recently rediscovered the one I had just this weekend, but the ad seems to have created a tiny bit of controversy and I’m not sure who is to blame.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHjssdNNzP0]
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Lunchtime Review : Beige Food

In which I avoid anything green.

The Menu.

Ingredients: Lots of brown.

Preparation: Open the box of brown.

Cost: A lot of brown later on.

Amuse-bouche

Seriously…what? 8 cocktail sausages, 4 pork and tomato bites, 4 sausage rolls and 4 mini scotch eggs.

Colour plays an important role in food, it indicates what kind of experience or benefit you get from the item you are about to put in your mouth. It’s why chefs spend so much time fussing over how a dish looks as if it appears tasty then it probably is. The Duck Rule and everything.

There is one colour to rule them all, a colour that is quite honest about what you are going to get. Beige.
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Lunchtime Review : Homemade Crispy Duck

In which I try pulling meat with a fork

The Menu.

Ingredients: Some bits of duck leg and a really hot oven

Preparation: Cooking at home

Cost: Free, we were given the duck

Amuse-bouche

My sister would be jealous, she loves this stuff. So does Mrs G. In fact other than vegetarians I don’t know of anyone else who doesn’t like crispy duck. It’s one of those super-meats like bacon that are universally adored by those with functioning taste buds and an omnivorous diet.

There is a quirky fact about meat that as you cook it it goes from juicy (good) to dry (bad) but then something miraculous happens. It crisps up and becomes amazing. If you see any menu items with crispy in the description you know its going to be tasty. This doesn’t happen in the herbivore world, crispy apples are great but celery (despite it’s crispness) is rank.

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Lunchtime Review : Stromboli

In which I roll up bread and meat and cheese and create food heaven.

The Menu.

Ingredients: Bread and Meat

Preparation: Roll it up and bake it

Cost:Several pigs

Amuse-bouche

I love my traditional English Easter dinner, other than Christmas it is a chance to have a large family dinner with a pile of food. A great part about being married to an American-Italian-German is that food is an important part of Easter.

When we have partaken in dinner in NY I have been sent on epic quests just to locate a piece of meat. If I’d asked someone back home in England to drive 30 miles just to purchase a piece of meat they would call me crazy…however that meat, it tasted good. I mean real good. Even when my body started screaming at me that I’d eaten more pork than I should, I still needed to keep eating.

It wasn’t like I went into dinner on an empty stomach, beforehand I’d eaten some slices of Stromboli. If you’re sitting there with no idea what this is, as I didn’t before meeting my wife, it is possibly classified as humanity’s greatest gastronomical invention (along with garlic bread or pigs in blankets).

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Lunchtime review : Vitamin pills

In which I hit my RDA but it tastes terrible.

The Menu.

Ingredients: Bits of rocks.

Preparation: Close eyes and swallow.

Cost: A complete waste.

Amuse-bouche

Politicians are at it again, this time they are claiming that we eat too much meat. I made a pact with vegetarians that they can have my greens and in return I will eat the cooked flesh of animals. It’s the circle of life and all that malarkey.

As a humanist I believe that evolution has led me to eschew the eating of plants and resulted in humans filling a new niche, primarily that of eating barbecue. I’ve never seen a slug eat a burger but they seem pretty fond of lettuce, to me that says there is less competition for beef so is a better natural selection.

The only issue with this is that science seems to still believe that I need nutrients like vitamins and minerals. This is a bit awkward as meat only has Vitamin Mmmmmm. What if there was a magic pill that I could eat to stop others from worrying about my nutritional intake?
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Lunchtime Review : Shop Bought Sandwich

In which I get a meal deal for lunch.

The Menu.

Ingredients: Whatever was on the shelf

Preparation: None what-so-ever

Cost: £3.00 more than I should have paid

Amuse-bouche

I’m a good husband, I know this due to the admiring look I get from Mrs G in the morning as she realises once more she has woken up next to me and won the life lottery. To help remind her how lucky she is I like to do nice little things for her like making the sandwiches for work. It was while doing them last night that I was once again able to show my chivalrous side and act all knightly by sacrificing my own nutritional needs for hers.

We had just about run out of bread, and this being a key component of a sandwich left me in a bit of a dilemma. With only two slices of the loaf left who should get lunch? Spoiler alert – based on the fact the topic of the post is “shop bought” not “home-made” then I think it’s safe to say that Mrs G is tucking into a nice Parma ham sarnie while I pop to the store for a shop bought sandwich.
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Lunchtime Review : The Cottage Pie Sandwich

In which I combine meat, potatoes and bread.

The Menu.

Ingredients: Cottage pie and bread

Preparation: A moment of inspiration

Cost: Nothing, but my genius

Amuse-bouche

There are pivotal moments culinary history where everything changed. The first time that someone stuffed pig flesh back inside its intestinal lining and fried it, or the person who took a strong-smelling member of the onion family and put it on bread. These oven-shattering events have bought joy and pleasure to stomachs throughout the years.Last night I had one of those moments, a flash of taste inspiration that I believe has the potential to reinvent the sandwich. Not in the “take one piece of bread away and now you have an open sandwich way” (that’s just half a sandwich) but in a way that reverbs all the way to the tomb of John Montagu.May I introduce the cottage Pie sandwich.
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Lunchtime Review : Roast Dinner Sandwich

In which I stick a whole meal in a sandwich.

The Menu.

Ingredients: Everything from a roast dinner.

Preparation: Lots of time cooking, not long sandwiching

Cost: Free, leftovers are zero cost

Amuse-bouche

A while back I discovered a sandwich that was advertised as a Roast Dinner sandwich, I was fully expecting it to take over the world. I was living in a Sarnie 2.0 reality. Unfortunately it seems that it was a false dawn in subwayology (they paid for the rights to name the art of sandwich making).
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Lunchtime Review : Last night’s meatballs

In which I wrap up my cold balls for lunch.

The Menu.

Ingredients: Beef Meatballs in tomato sauce wrap.

Preparation: The remnants of last night’s dinner.

Cost: Free, because waste not want not.

Amuse-bouche

We’re back to cooking for two but eating for four, one culinary skill I have yet to learn is the ability to size out portions. Inevitably I’ll end up with not enough vegetables (what a shame) and too much meat (if that is at all possible).

So for lunch today I have the remnants of a At-Home-Date-Night to munch on, the aftermath of a lovely Italian meal cooked at home.
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Lunchtime Review : Bangers and Mash

In which I grab a couple of links and a jug of gravy.

The Menu.

Ingredients: A couple of sausages and mashed potatoes

Preparation: Work canteen

Cost: £4.40

Amuse-bouche

How would you how good a company is to work for? Maybe look at how much are they paying you or research in the the opinions of ex-staff, they may even be one of the the various best places to work for (although these polls now feel like a Buzzfeed article).

I have my own particular way of determining a corporation’s worth, check what food you can get from the canteen.
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