In which I try not to think too much.
Lucy is a movie about Scarlett Johansson being the super powered femme fatale that is not constrained by living in the male-dominated Marvel universe. She gets to use all her brain and it turns out that let’s her do some pretty cool things. If I got to use all my brain I’m not so sure I’d want that power.
Apparently we only use 10% of the brain at the moment and that seems like plenty for what we need to do, any more than that and it has the potential for a lot of bad. I am able to get up in the morning and stumble around making a cup of tea on just 1% of my brain (as a Brit we have evolved tea making along with breathing and blinking) so what would I do with the rest of the neurons?
Continue reading “Shallow learning curve”
In which I imagine the audience naked.
After writing the tale of The Nobber and the saga of the Best-Man demotion I did realise the one thing I was most disappointed at regarding the whole saga. Not being able to do a Best Man speech. I was looking forward to delivering a kick ass speech even if I was nervous at letting them down
I seem like I’m confident when I stand up in front of a group of people to speak but it is all a facade, I am, good at acting just not good at acting in front of others.
Being denied this opportunity was the one part that hurt the most, in fact during the demotion process I was once asked by the Future Mrs N to submit my proposed speech for approval like it was some kind of financial promotion for an insurance company. There was no way this was going to happen as it breaks the sacred bond between groom and best-man, and probably added to the reasons for my sudden dismissal.
Continue reading “PowerPoint skills”
In which I accept your challenge.
Other than riding my bike up the street the wrong way I’m a very good boy. I try to stay out of trouble for a number of reasons, like it is a cramp on my lifestyle to be in prison and I’d have to explain why I’m entangled with the Po-Po to my family. Neither of these are particularly attractive options.
As a result I try not to break the rules, I’m scared of being caught and of the consequences. Instead I prefer to push against the boundaries of bureaucracy and see how far I can bend them to my will. I am much happier to teeter along the edge of genius and failure.
The other option is to find the loophole in the rules and exploit them. I subscribe to Alexander the Great’s Gordian knot solution, if the laws of the game are ill-defined then use that to your ability.
Continue reading “Don’t tell me no”
In which I find a treasure trove of Lego and wooden trains.
The advantage of living in a house is that I now own an attic. I had to find out if I have a loft or an attic, apparently a loft is an open area, and an attic is enclosed and generally not inhabitable. As it requires the use of two lengths of ladder, squeezing through the hatch, and then dodging all the roof beams I am fairly sure we have an attic.
What is pretty clear are the uses most people have for this roof space. It becomes a general dumping ground for all the pieces of your life that you know you should through but don’t have the heart to get rid of. There may be a twelve key Casio keyboard with 12 beat settings but what if I need to play Ode to Joy to someone, and you never know when you’ll need an old (but broken) suitcase, and the Christmas decorations…foil shapes will come back into style.
Grandma G’s attic is like a mini-Toys ‘backwards R’ Us. Brown boxes filled with the toys me and my sisters used to play with waiting to be used by a new generation. There is a wooden train set made by my grandfather waiting to be rescued from beneath a Christmas tree (one of those fancy modern ones, I have the family heirloom tree up in my attic). We could bring down a box a year and still have enough to last us till they are teenagers.
Continue reading “Toys in the attic”
In which I refuse to eat the food my food eats
Mrs G will tell you that I have a varied diet, as long as varied means “heavily biased towards meat”. If the average human is an omnivore, and about 7% of the UK population are vegetarian, then to even out the numbers I have to be 98% carnivore (the remaining 2% is mainly garlic bread).
I’ve been told that some sort of vegetation is essential in your diet, apparently for the nutrients and health reasons. I’m not convinced by this and I’m sure this is just propaganda put forward by the Illettuceami of the world. Eating leaves of any plant still tastes like eating grass. I understand the aesthetic value of salad but as an essential, or even headline act, it’s just doesn’t feel right to me.
This means I need to choose some meat.
Continue reading “Meat, the real five a day”
In which I refuse to compete for a plaque.
Every month the company I work for run a company wide recognition scheme, it is open to all individuals and is a similar programme to those I have experienced in other places of work. The greatest part about this recognition scheme is how every wins every month. No matter how good or poor you are you win a prize, and that prize is handily deposited into your bank account and you receive a certificate with details of how much you won.
This is the recognition I need for my job, this little donation to helping me keep my way of life is the reward I get for dedicating 35 hours a week to the needs of a company. I do this for you and what you do allows me to spend weekends with Mrs G or buy pretty things for the Feliciraptor. It is a perfect arrangement. What disturbs the waters is when “Recognition Schemes” come into play.
Continue reading “Well done for doing your job”
In which I refuse to let people refuse me things.
It’s not as though rejection is ever an experience you want, yet it will almost be certainly one that every one will have gone through in their life. I think Rudyard Kipling put it very well, it’s the Bear Necessity of life that If you treat triumph and disaster the same then yours is the Earth my son.
Nobody likes to be told that they are not good enough, we don’t go out intentionally to do a bad job or interview so when you get told that you best wasn’t good enough then you start to doubt yourself. You don’t consider that you may have been in the 100 metre sprint with Usain Bolt it’s the natural reaction to try to analyse what you did wrong.
Continue reading “Rejecting rejection”
In which I wallow in my own sympathy.
SARS, ebola, a serious case of missing legs. Growing up these were still not valid reasons to miss a day of school. Only once I lost the capacity to see, hear and write (and it had to be a compete set) could I think about staying home sick.
As an adult it’s a bit easier to self-diagnose the risk of going to work while incapacitated, perhaps because Mother G won’t have to look after me sitting feeling all sorry for myself. After a number of years of living alone I have been able to cope with not feeling great by just sitting sullenly in front of the TV. Should I allow others to take care of me, when I prefer to soldier on alone?
I don’t like feeling unwell. I have a certain dislike to the sensation that my fragile mortality is being tested by external causes. The fact that I can be brought low by a few single cell organisms makes me feel that my impending doom is ever nearer. Being a typical man who has suffered (yes SUFFERED) through the masculine strain of Orthomyxoviruses I would rather just sit and wait an illness out.
Continue reading “Being sick”
In which I go from feeling at the top of the world to sinking all the way down.
Wednesday looked like it was going to be a good day. It started off a bit hectic but when lunch came around I was able to bag the last portion of Chicken Katsu Curry from the staff canteen. I had been waiting for this to reappear on the menu since I started so I was super excited about it (especially as it has become the dish I crave). It was going to be a good day.
Then my day came crashing down around me.
Luckily events in my life have taught me that this is merely a road bump in life. At the time it may seem like the worst time in the world but you can’t go up unless you’ve been down…unless you are climbing a mountain, then you can keep going up but eventually you will have to come down. But going down is good.
Continue reading “Dealing with success and failure”
In which I roll up bread and meat and cheese and create food heaven.
Ingredients: Bread and Meat
Preparation: Roll it up and bake it
I love my traditional English Easter dinner, other than Christmas it is a chance to have a large family dinner with a pile of food. A great part about being married to an American-Italian-German is that food is an important part of Easter.
When we have partaken in dinner in NY I have been sent on epic quests just to locate a piece of meat. If I’d asked someone back home in England to drive 30 miles just to purchase a piece of meat they would call me crazy…however that meat, it tasted good. I mean real good. Even when my body started screaming at me that I’d eaten more pork than I should, I still needed to keep eating.
It wasn’t like I went into dinner on an empty stomach, beforehand I’d eaten some slices of Stromboli. If you’re sitting there with no idea what this is, as I didn’t before meeting my wife, it is possibly classified as humanity’s greatest gastronomical invention (along with garlic bread or pigs in blankets).
Continue reading “Lunchtime Review : Stromboli”