The Canterbury to Whitstable tales : Chapter 1

So here is my first chapter from my NaNoWriMo attempt. A warning, this has been written with no outline, no sense of where I am going with it and no edits. My writing style is just to get words down on paper, or in this case screen, so please bear with it. As I was writing I changed my mind as to where this literary exercise was going.

Any feedback is welcome (although please make it narrative/plot/syntax specific as spelling and grammar are pencilled in for the edits). So here we go…

Chapter 1.
Sex.

Gets your attention, the mere thought of smut and filth acts like honey for a bear. It draws you in, grabs you and takes hold. Your curiosity is piqued and is insatiable. It is exciting, it makes you feel alive.

Feeling alive is not something the 7.43 to Canterbury provides.

Nothing about the Class 375 electric multiple unit train is erotic. Not it’s twenty point four metre length car nor the maximum speed of one hundred miles an hour can set the pulses racing. The Dellner coupling system is not as exciting as the Scharfenburg system and the selective door opening is unlikely to have that effect on any legs.

Indeed, the 7.43 was not as tantalising as a multi-page description of a high-end computer. It was after all a train, and trains are not sexy.

So here is my first chapter from my NaNoWriMo attempt. A warning, this has been written with no outline, no sense of where I am going with it and no edits. My writing style is just to get words down on paper, or in this case screen, so please bear with it. As I was writing I changed my mind as to where this literary exercise was going.

Any feedback is welcome (although please make it narrative/plot/syntax specific as spelling and grammar are pencilled in for the edits). So here we go…

Chapter 1.

Sex.

Gets your attention, the mere thought of smut and filth acts like honey for a bear. It draws you in, grabs you and takes hold. Your curiosity is piqued and is insatiable. It is exciting, it makes you feel alive.

Feeling alive is not something the 7.43 to Canterbury provides.

Nothing about the Class 375 electric multiple unit train is erotic. Not it’s twenty point four metre length car nor the maximum speed of one hundred miles an hour can set the pulses racing. The Dellner coupling system is not as exciting as the Scharfenburg system and the selective door opening is unlikely to have that effect on any legs.

Indeed, the 7.43 was not as tantalising as a multi-page description of a high-end computer. It was after all a train, and trains are not sexy. Continue reading “The Canterbury to Whitstable tales : Chapter 1”

NaNoWriMo 2014

In which I try to write my novel.

After years of threatening to do so I’m going to pull my fingers out and have a go at writing 50,000 words on some semi-coherent document. I’ll be putting to the test the theory that everyone has at least one novel in them by seeing if mine is easily accessible.

Those forty-nine words took only a few minutes to do in the middle of a Game of Thrones ad break, based upon that maths this should be a doddle. If only there weren’t likely to be a few problems along the way, and that’s not worrying about my prose or characterisation. Continue reading “NaNoWriMo 2014”

I can’t join in with Movember

In which I don’t need to grab a razor.

Gillette and the shaving industry have me on a blacklist. My DNA could bring down the whole shaving industry in one swoop ruining their ‘cheap handles – extortionate blades’ model. I am the Anti-Remington.

It is almost impossible for me to grow facial hair.

I only really shave once a week, and that is just because I need to reduce the length of the hairs coming from any freckles or moles. I cannot remember when I put the latest blade in my razor, but I have a feeling it was when two blades was the pinnacle of face gardening technology. I don’t really need it to be sharp, a vigorous face wash tends to do the trick. Continue reading “I can’t join in with Movember”

Hereos : David Attenborough

In which I honour a TV legend

As a child there was one job I thought must be the greatest in the world, you got to travel and see amazing things, entertain and educate others and seem to have an all round great time. As a child I wanted to have the job of Sir David Attenborough. Perhaps subconsciously that’s what led me to try doing both a zoology, and then a media production degree. After all surely learning how to make TV programmes and being an expert in animals is the right way to go about it?

David Attenborough has been on British TV screens for so long, and has played such an important role in our media culture that (even though not dead) he deserves some form of celebration of his life. Rather than try to convince you how good he is, I thought I would just let his actions speak for him.

Enjoy the Wonders of David Attenborough. Continue reading “Hereos : David Attenborough”

Lunchtime review : Airplane Food

In which it’s chicken or fish.

I am hungry.

I’m hungry at 29,000 feet above the Atlantic Ocean. I have 3 hours before I land and then an hours queue through customs before I can even think about feeding myself with some aging sandwich.

This is because I am currently experiencing that feeling anyone who travels by air feels at some point, the pangs that come with being unable to eat the unpalatable concoctions that will be placed in front of you by a gurning stewardess who wants to know do you want disgusting Dish A or Dish B? It’s the hard or rock place choice of inflight food.

 

When Jean Valjean says “If I speak I am condemned, if I stay silent I am damned” I can’t help put feel this is how most think when presented with the sealed foil containers on a tray. Do I condemn my stomach to a mushy orange lump, or stay silent and damn myself to hunger?

Continue reading “Lunchtime review : Airplane Food”

Late review : Strictly Come Dancing

In which I give it a seeeeeeven.

Elf has never done it for me, I think its my aversion towards Will Ferrell. It’s also for that reason I am not fussed about Anchorman or it’s sequel. The only time I have been able to stand him in a movie is when he played it straight in Stranger than Fiction. The same applies to Jim Carey, I don’t find him funny but thought he was brilliant in The Truman Show. This means that for me Christmas isn’t impending when I see this movie.

The real countdown to Christmas begins with a TV show that concludes in the last weekend before the big day. It puts the sparkle into the holidays and, while not being the most manly of programmes, is full of fun and cheer. That’s right ladies and gents, tonight is the first episode of the camp-as-Butlins Strictly Come Dancing.

Continue reading “Late review : Strictly Come Dancing”

This is a do-over

In which I send my regards.

At some point in the last few hours this site started to create iron.

Within a fraction of a second, the weight of this blog collapsed upon itself and went supernova. The resulting explosion has jettisoned the mass of hot gases that constituted content of this stellar site and left a tiny remnant of its past glories.

Once again Geek Ergo Sum is star-dust, with all the resulting elements floating around waiting to coalesce and reform into something new. The galactic circle of life continues as dust forms grains forms rocks forms planets. From the primordial depths of the internet new posts shall evolve, take shape and rise and fall with likes and shares.

In what seems like a regular annual occurrence I have taken a sledgehammer to this site and my posts. Whereas I would normally change a few categories, alter a featured image here and re-tag every post; this time I have gone for the ultimate change. I have removed everything…

As  a few hundred posts all vanish in the blink of an eye I can hear one voice cry out, and not be extinguished. That is the voice of Mrs G, who at this announcement will be rolling her eyes at me from behind the screen she is reading this on.

Maybe I didn’t drink enough water today, perhaps I had too much tea or the broken sleep is catching up on me. Whatever it was I had had enough. Not sure what enough I’d had too much of but I knew that I thought I knew it was enough.

And enough’s enough.

So I took down every post, picture, rant and embedded video and decided to start again. So this is post zero, well actually it is post one but you get the picture. Maybe the removal of all my content was a diversion from something else. It wasn’t but I just needed a segue for this:

As we tiptoe nearer this site’s shiny new era I will make a confession. I am going to make it easier on myself to get up and running, I am more a Visigoth than a vandal. As it stands there are 626 drafts that consist of those posts-not-yet-published and posts-that-were-but-now-are-not. Part of the rebirth exercise is to connect to the posts past lives and help save me time.

The four years I have been writing (and deleting) have, hopefully, helped me improve; so now I want to tidy up and republish some of the good stuff that may have been lost. It will also let me exorcise some of the not-so-good trash that I have on a regular basis produced.

So for those who were there at the end, I welcome you to a new beginning. For the rest, be glad you didn’t know what this site was like before it was gentrified.

Ladies and Gentlemen.

Welcome.