Trying to save the planet

I plan to leave the planet to my children but as a parent I find it very difficult to be both environmentally friendly and be an effective parent. With the limited time modern life affords I find that the polluting shortcut is easier than the time-consuming green option.

I’m embarrassed that I have not made the effort to be more tree-friendly, at work I am a shining bastion of the paper-free office, but when I am faced with an onslaught of bodily fluids I opt for the quickest way to clean rather than opting to save the polar bears.

The biggest argument for being a green parent always seems to revolve around diapers.

One of the contentious parenting topics is how you deal with your infants homemade cheese (that is the faecal stage we are currently at). The “good” way is the old way, to re-use them. I would really like to jump on board with this but there is one thing stopping me. I really don’t like poo.

Let me correct this, I find poo and poo humour hilarious. You just have to ask Feliciraptor.

The problem I do have is having poo lying around in the house. Or putting poo in the washing machine. If it is spinning around in there, no matter how small, then I am going out in clothes with poo on. If I believed in homoeopathy then I would be telling people I was wearing poo.

From the comments I see on the internet every time I put a disposable nappy on one of my children I kill a dolphin. With there only being around 3.1m common dolphins and the rate A-Rex is pooping away we will be able to eat tuna guilt free in only 2 years.

Not that I feel too bad about disposable nappies, you are not a saint if you use reusable either. Once you add in the electricty, water and detergent required to clean them you are splitting the difference between adding CO2 to the atmosphere or piling on the landfill. Why don’t we use disposable nappies in land reclamation projects, both a great place to put them and it can soak up any coastal flooding.

We are not feeding our children ‘naturally’ either, so we are using factory-produced feed instead. We wash there clothes on high temperatures and dry them in a machine. We go through packs and packs of baby wipes.

This attitude to parent does make me feel ashamed, why can’t I be a little put out and try to make a little difference? Instead I live a life which means my children my only know Antarctica from a history book.

What can I do to change? Plenty. Dig a potty in the garden, grow my own veg (one thing I will be doing this year), whittle chew toys for teething. The reality is that I am a lazy parent, and you cannot be a lazy parent and a green parent.

Mostly though it is the poo. I just want that poo out of my house as quickly as possible.

Published by Geek Ergo Sum

Ah, so you worked out the riddle. You just needed to use dwarfish and the doors to Geek Ergo Sum opened. Or perhaps you just used Google. Either way you are here, on my little corner of the Internet.

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