When I fight I fight to win.
What is the point of finding yourself in an altercation that you are happy to lose? My number one aim is the jugular and I won’t be happy until I am standing victorious over my defeated foe. It’s why I’ve never one a game of Civilization with anything other than a conquest victory, I start out all peaceful and want to spread harmony and peace but then Gandhi nukes my capital and I will seek vengeance upon my attacker (and all those who were not involved because they stood by and watched).
It’s this desire to see my victims destroyed that I tend to stay away from conflict, my flight or fight response is not in perfect balance so I try to avoid getting myself in a position where I have to rely on my animal instincts. If I don’t have to make the choice then I don’t have to deal with the consequences. Who knows what happens when I get angry, I don’t like it when I get angry…
I’ve only ever been involved in a physical kerfuffle twice, and both times I’ve come away with that feeling that it was fun. On both occasions it was in self-defence and not instigated by me but I’m still 2-0 up in fights. The problem is that I don’t fight by Queensbury rules, nor have a healthy regard for my own well-being, all I see is the prize and I go for it. I still remember the looks on my friends faces afterwards, they were more scared of me than worried. I have the red mist that Bruce Banner has, if not the green skin, and if tripped my initial reaction is attack.
It’s why I hold the record for the shortest ever appearance for our school basketball team (in both terms of time and height) at 30 seconds, all it took was a loose arm in my face from an opponent and I went volcanic. It may have been an accident but I was dragged off before I could retaliate. Whilst playing in goal for a five-a-side I nearly killed the opposing striker who had kicked at my hand as I was going down to make a save. This is why I don’t play competitive sports, I want to win.
It’s also why as a family we don’t play many board games, with the length of time Monopoly takes there is enough time for a full-fledged war.