On a Sunday we decamp to Ma G’s for dinner, on the way back we drive through the outskirts of the suburbs and get to look at all the nice houses that look like they have been designed in The Sims. Full of columns and big windows with a painted down drive way, it gets me wishing that I could have a plot of land a large amount of money to create my own maison for the family.
I am no Courboisier, nor am I Sir Foster. My dalliance with self designed architecture is restricted to Lego (and the usual cube shaped abode) or the sprawling mass of giant and empty rooms you get on The Sims. I can’t imagine I would create anything truly outstanding in the field of design, and the host of Grand Designs would look forlornly on my homage to Christopher Wren. It would almost certainly look like something a footballer had drawn on a napkin.
So let me try and talk you through these plans. I’ve decided to go for the very restrained rectangular shape, this will be governed by the golden ratio for aesthetics and the shape of the screen making it easy to do so (fact: most building shapes are based upon the piece of paper available, this is why most are box shape and very few are round).
The ground floor will open into a dramatic grand staircase evoking the feeling of the one on the Titanic, but with less water. This staircase will lead to the second floor and continue via a spiral staircase to the basement. Off the staircase will be a living room area on one side, with all the attendant mod cons, and on the other the main reception room and kitchen.
The kitchen will have as much technology as I can find, induction cooker, drop down touch screens, soda stream. Just like John Hammond I shall spare no expense. It would need to have every smart gizmo I could find. Fridges that told we what shopping I had/needed, kettles that make tea when they detected I was on the way home, washing machines that dried and folded the clothes.
The upstairs is a pretty standard bed and bathroom affair. All the rooms coming off a central balcony from the grand staircase and having huge big beds. The bathrooms will be more wet rooms with massive rain style showers.
Upstairs the central focus will be the piano room. Not just any piano room, but the one from the Imagine video.
The basement will have a number of parking spaces for the various classic cars I shall park there, with an underground swimming pool with glass sides that form the wall with the garage. Classy, right?