Late Review : Snow White

In which Snow White is really just the evil step-daughter.

Snow White Disney Princess

Poor, innocent Snow White. The fairest (source: magic mirror) of all princesses yet cruelly hounded until saved by her prince. How could I have issues with her? Quite easily it seems, because the fairy tale shows ‘princesses’ are naive and stupid, jealous and cruel.

Oh, she looks cute but there is a cold heart under that dress
Before the main event it’s probably best to tackle the villain of the piece “The Wicked Queen”. The Wicked Queen is a representation of the princess’ greatest fears, that there is someone in some physical way better than you (aka fairness). A constant need of reassurance not from another person, but from a mirror.

Wicked step mother in Snow white looking in the magic mirror

“Yes, you are pretty and oh so fair” cries back a reflective piece of glass. The reflection you see is just their own self-image patting them on the back saying “well done you, you hit the genetic jackpot and came out with good looks”. And this goes on until that one day they feel that little niggle in the back of the mind that perhaps suggests there is someone ‘better’.

“Well you’re quite nice,” declares the mirror “but there is now someone prettier and fairer now. Sorry”

What do?

Why only one course of action! As she is unable to improve herself in any way the only logical action is to destroy that which she cannot beat…huntsmen fetch me that girl’s heart. This demonstrates my first theory of princesses “that logic decreases exponentially when princess emotions are added.”

Graph showing emotion v logic in disney princesses
This is why most Disney princesses get into trouble (or have no idea what a fork is..come on Ariel it’s basically a trident)

 

So, of to the woods we go. I suppose in the interest of fairness I should make some comment regarding the huntsmen or king who are letting this happen. So as soon as princesses start playing fair I’ll add it in.

Remember though the bit where the huntsmen cuts out poor Snow White’s heart? Oh that’s right he doesn’t because he realises what a ridiculous situation this is. Can he say anything to the Queen? Of course not…this would only increase the emotional level further decreasing the logic. Snow White, saved by the act of a man who did the right thing but if found out will be punished, wanders off into the woods to stumble upon a sweet little cottage.

It’s here that our heroine demonstrates her supreme lack of common sense by failing to adhere to that simple rule…don’t accept gifts from strangers.

Especially if they are trying to kill you.

Not only does she fail to do this the first time (the old tightening-up-the-corset-till-she-suffocates ruse), she then ignores it a second time (poisoned comb gambit) and a third (the apple). I mean, if the girl wants to die let her, she really doesn’t want to listen to any good advice (see Wackiest advice ever heard on Saturday’s post). If this was Cluedo then Snow White would murdered by the evil queen….in every room, with every weapon.

Snow White does not do smart, in the tale her mother wishes for a daughter with skin white as snow, lips red as a rose, and hair black as ebony. Nothing about being able to say no to strange and dangerous gifts. Even her mother values beauty before brains. What lesson does this teach our modern day princesses?

  • Being the fairest is the best.
  • If you are not the fairest, rip out that person’s heart.
  • Ignore others advice, especially about not accepting everything on offer.
  • If all else fails, some prince will come and save the day.

After they got wed (and reading the story it was probably 20 minutes after they first met, remember these lovebirds were pretty keen to get things moving) they brought the Evil Queen to the palace ready to dispense justice upon her crimes.

So what did our ‘fairest’ in the land decide, should she turn the other cheek and show that forgiveness and mercy are admirable traits? Would she provide an opportunity for redemption?

Of course not. This is a princess we are talking about. The only suitable punishment is utter destruction and humiliation.

The Queen was forced into a hot pair of iron shoes. In no way a cruel punishment.

And that is the end of the story…

Iron shoes being heated from Snow White

What? There’s more?

She was forced to dance in them!

You’re kidding what kind of sadist is Snow White. How long did she have to dance for?

Till she died. Because hey, third times the charm

Oh.

So there you have it. Snow White, a role model for all little princesses.

Naive, stupid and sadistic.

Source: Punishment

Author: Daddysaurus

Ah, so you worked out the riddle. You just needed to use dwarfish and the doors to Geek Ergo Sum opened. Or perhaps you just used Google. Either way you are here, on my little corner of the Internet.

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