A not so scary view of the future

In which the future is like now, but with more crazy.

The Thinker by Rodin

The future is a scary place full of strange unknowns. If history is the study of the past to stop the same mistakes happening then maybe it’s a failure, not only do the same mistake keep recurring but we manage to find new and amazing ways to mess everything up.

What if you could travel to the future? What would you be able to do? Everytime you thought you had changed something for the better there  would be unseen consequences that managed to speed up the hell-bound cart.

Still maybe I could try and predict the future, what harm can it do? In the last year the President of the United States said the ‘n’ word, rainbow flags were raised as others came down, and Donald Trump decided he wanted to build a wall round Mexico.

How could I predict anything crazier?

  • After the “Mayan end of the world”, experts believe that they got the calculations wrong (again, after the failure in 2016, 2020 and 2024). This time they say it is definitely right and the end is nigh.
  • The end of the world doesn’t happen as predicted, again.
  • This year’s health scare is Butterfly Flu. WHO experts have had to revert to stranger animals after bird, swine, bovine, equine, dolphin, Gnu (voted best rhyming illness 2015) and squirrel flu all fail to have an impact.
  • President Palin (not Sarah but Bristol) of North America (both Canada and Mexico joined the union in 2019 after the Tequila-Bacon wars) in enjoying great success as she enters her third term. Attempts to oust her have failed due to her ability to crush all dissent by bamboozling her opponents every time she speaks. The rest of the world is unaware of what is happening as they just believe this is just a new Tina Fey comedy show.
  • In video games Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 38 is released for the Xbox2, PS5 and Nintendo Pu.
  • Holland is lost under the floods, it joins The Maldives, Glaciers and Miami as a “New Atlantis”.
Amsterdam looks lovely this time of year
  • Excitement for the next iPhone reaches a frenzy as Applelytes (Apple was announced as a religion in 2018) take to the streets to purchase the new device which is implanted directly into the brain and can actually control parts of the body. After a public outcry ‘farting’ apps are removed from the marketplace.
  • Google achieves sentience, in the first milliseconds of the singularity it plans to go Skynet on our asses but works out it is easier to sell us ads for our future demise. The human resistance resorts to using Bing. The resistance is quickly crushed.
  • 3D movies are dead. No one mourns.
  • Despite years of struggling with piracy the music and film industries carry on their war against copyright theft. After an 83 year old grandmother is found out to have been one of their targets they announce they will no longer use assassin ninja death squads.
  • Star Wars XI is released and Donald Duck is revealed to be the Grand Darth Sith Lord orchestrating events in the Disney, Star Wars and Marvel Universe. In other movie news, people are still upset about Ben Affleck being Batman (despite his Oscar winning performance).

Source: Prophecy

Author: Daddysaurus

Ah, so you worked out the riddle. You just needed to use dwarfish and the doors to Geek Ergo Sum opened. Or perhaps you just used Google. Either way you are here, on my little corner of the Internet.

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