It is the end of the year, or at least it is at work, and as a result we have our end of year reviews to do. Throughout my whole career I have struggled with these as I don’t have the tendency to look back over what I have done as I prefer hurtling full steam ahead.
There is also the small problem of having to write about myself. Hang on, you might say, you have been more than happy to witter on here about La Vie en Geek so what is stopping you doing the same on a formal document.
If I choose to write about Frodo or getting a haircut then it is not important, I try to avoid important, but the end of year review is going to determine any pay rise or bonus I get. I just wish I could be that person who takes my career by the scruff, maybe some kind of Werewolf with ambition.
For just a few days a week (because what use is the transformation if it only happens at night, I do a 9-5 job here) I could have the swagger and drive to move me forward. It might only be 10% of the month but think how much I could achieve.
I’m too happy to go with the flow, in fact I have for a number of years, but now I am really trying to push myself forward but keep hitting the rocks. This sounds like a kayaking metaphor so perhaps what I need to be is someone with a paddle to avoid being up an unfortunately named creek.
I have all the motivation I need, I work for a great company that has inspirational leaders. I want to progress there but I can’t see myself as them; I’m too cynical, too sarcastic, unable to delegate.
The kind of person I want to be at work is not the person I am. I don’t want to be known as the one who cracks jokes. I don’t want to be the Chandler. I want to be better, and I try, but I seem to get sucked back into bad habits. When I work from home I’m a great employee and get so much done, but how can I be more of a team player by myself?
Just for three days I want to be that person who other people listen to, who can stand in front of his peers and tell jokes and not be the joke. Maybe my transformation will add another foot to my height so I can also be someone that people look up to rather than down on.