Cupcakes have no purpose

In which cupcakes should join panda’s on the extinction list.

Pink icing on a cupcake

Although I am savoury man I am still partial to a bit of sweet. You can’t beat a nice piece of cake, especially if it is two pieces of sponge with raspberry jam and a sprinkling of sugar on the top. Truly the Victoria Sponge is the queen of cakes.

This leaves a vacancy as king, a position that could be filled by the humble cupcake. It is the Chihuahua of the cake world, the bakery mosquito. Just like a king it serves no purpose in the modern world, provides zero benefit to humanity and gets way more respect than it should.

Cupcakes in a bag

The most important bit about a cupcake is the icing and decoration, the essential fluff to hide the wafer thin part of the one redeeming feature; the cake. It’s like being wowed by the spectacular paint job on rubbish car. It looks shiny, may impress onlookers but at its heart is still a piece of crap.

Like champagne, we have been told that you must like and love cupcakes as if you don’t then you are a cold-hearted individual who has no capacity to understand the aesthetics of fine cuisine. It is the baker’s new clothes; it is style over substance, pomp before circumstance.

If I want to eat a pound of icing sugar, water and colourings then I will slap myself in the face until I come to my senses and want to eat cake.

Marie Antoinette was misquoted, she actually told the proles “let them eat cupcakes” and this triggered the French Revolution (or as it was originally known, the French Revulsion due the feeling of being made to eat such confections). It is a little known fact that the idea of cupcakes came from the ridiculous hair ladies of that era would wear, the coup de cake. Don’t bother trying to verify it, the global cupcake conspiracy has suppressed this for centuries.

Part of the recovery from the global recession has been the rise of the cupcake, in these uncertain times people have turned to a product that lacks any substance and is just shiny. We should be flocking to Victoria Sandwiches or Lemon Drizzle cakes. Rather than the emptiness of a fancy looking product we should be investing in good solid base than you don’t need to coat in sugar. Cupcake shops are the snake oil salesmen of the 21st century.

Source: Purpose

Author: geekergosum

Ah, so you worked out the riddle. You just needed to use dwarfish and the doors to Geek Ergo Sum opened. Or perhaps you just used Google. Either way you are here, on my little corner of the Internet.

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