Abandoning your friends

In which I appear to have muted rather than unfriended.

Friends TV Cast

My closest friend is myself. I have few friends. Before you go all “oh that’s so sad/funny” let me add a caveat. I know a lot of people, and have known a lot of people. It’s just that I don’t class many of them as friends. Acquaintances, colleagues, contacts, companions, yes. There is nothing wrong with being one of them. What makes a friend though? What has to happen to push through simply knowing someone to it being a friendship?

A real friendship is one where you are completely honest and truthful. You have complete trust in the other person. You would do anything for them without expecting any reward or praise in return. Cicero thought that as well, and he was one of the greatest philosophers. A friend knows when things are wrong, and knows when and how to ask what it is. A friend doesn’t just say “what’s up?”

True friends are there for you when times are bad, and will still be there after you have been horrible and mean to be around. A friend forgives. Friends put you before their own self-interest. Samwise was a true friend because he walked into Mordor with Frodo not because he had to but because he wanted to (or maybe he just feared being turned into a toad by Mr Gandalf, Sir).

But I can be a crap friend, and I have lost more than I care to think about. I have been mean and neglectful and selfish. When I have a longer relationship with a games console rather than real human beings you have to ask “where did it all go wrong?” What can I (and perhaps everyone) do to be a better friend?

Talk to your friends, don’t shut off communication for some stupid reason and understand they want to help. Make the effort even when they don’t, as JFK said about having friendships, we have them not because they are easy but because they are hard.

Ok he said that about going to the moon, but friendships are a bit like that. They take work and can be a struggle, sometimes you end up in a dead end and find out that the person you depended upon the most is the first person to abandon you, these are the acquaintances, colleagues, contacts, companions. It’s in these moments that the people you never expected to take your side you suddenly find carrying you. These are your friends. Cherish them, nuture them like a fragile flower for in their earliest blooming for they are very easy to crush.

Source: Abandoned

Author: geekergosum

Ah, so you worked out the riddle. You just needed to use dwarfish and the doors to Geek Ergo Sum opened. Or perhaps you just used Google. Either way you are here, on my little corner of the Internet.

9 thoughts on “Abandoning your friends”

  1. Great post. And I so appreciate you comments regarding Samwise. He’s actually my favorite character in LOTR. One of my favorite bits in the book that shows Sam’s character is when he says of Frodo, “I love him. He’s like that, and sometimes it shines through, somehow. But I love him whether or no.” There could be no better friend than that.

    One more quote for you: “A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.” (Pioneer Girls Leaders’ Handbook)

    I do apologize for not following you blog more closely at the moment. We are getting ready for a trip to Maryland to see our new granddaughter so me attention may be spotty for a couple weeks. But wanted to tell you I’m really enjoying what I’ve read so far. Stay cool!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do like Samwise as he is the most consistent character, he has his strength at the beginning and although he doesn’t have the big beats like the other hobbit he still is the strongest among them.

      Thank you for the comments, have fun seeing your grand-daughter!


      1. “And after all he never had any real hope in the affair from the beginning; but being a cheerful hobbit, he had not needed hope, as long as despair could be postponed.” (J.R.R. Tolkien)


  2. Had to chip in and agree about Samwise, also my favourite character precisely because of his incredible strength and loyalty. Your post hit home for me – I’ve been a bad friend lately and not contacted my best friends for a while…time to send that email and make that phone call! Mir xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sam never had that ‘realization’ moment where he went into battle or anything… he somehow stayed the same but had the right qualities to begin with.

      We are currently staying with friends who we last saw two years ago… it is never too late.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Friendships are like what family should be. Real friends accept you, warts and all. No matter what you do the bond doesn’t break. I have a host of acquaintances but can count my friends on one hand. If you have to work too hard to maintain a friendship, it ain’t one.


    1. I am lucky that I have some good friends who I only have to talk to a few times a year, we can catch up and that’s enough…we don’t need to work at it to keep it going.


  4. Hi, I could really relate to moments in your post. I mean my best friend is pregnant and her hormones have been turning her into a snappy cow sometimes! Which is completely out of character – but when she does I just let her rant, keep quiet and calm, because she means a lot to me.

    People have been bad friends to me over the last few years – being neglectful and ignoring me. So it was strange reading it from the other side of the fence, to the point when I actually asked a friend ‘where did it all go wrong’. Maybe she got a new game.


    1. I think when there is extenuating circumstances people should be given a little slack. But once they have calmed down they know that they have been a little crazy. Some of the people I knew would refuse to apologise for how they had been…I think the past tense in that sentence shows how I dealt with that.

      I’ve been lucky that I had now found friends who only want a few chats a year!


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