In reality the perfect crime is a bit of a misnomer. If you don’t get the credit for the crime then, well, what’s the point? It’s like painting a masterpiece and not signing it. If the crime is undetectable, how do others know there was a crime in the first place?
So here are a few pointers to committing the ‘nearly perfect’ crime.
1. Don’t be the one who does it. Have enough separation for there to be plausible deniability.
2. Don’t get caught. The perfect crime is never over, if you are found out it wasn’t that perfect was it?
3. Get maximum return for littlest effort. Why not have a roomful of people who make you lots of money by doing menial tasks for 8 hours a day with little recompense. I call this ‘work’.
4. Think big. Stealing a cone from the street isn’t going to get the FBI/KGB/CID on you. Stealing the Isle of Wight. That’s a proper crime.
Satellite image showing the Solent, separating…
Missing: Last seen near Portsmouth
5. Cause grief and misery to the maximum amount of people possible. This is achieved by TV talent and reality shows regularly, and look how minted their producers are.
6. Be a myth. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. Be Keyser Soze.
7. Stay away from teenagers. They seem to have an innate ability to foil nefarious plans. Especially in groups of 4,5 and 7.
8. And old ladies.
9. And Belgians.
10. Don’t commit a crime in a town where a lot of other crimes occur (i.e. Midsomer/Oxford/Miami). The police have practice.
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