The glory of cheesy movies

In which I go to Mars and leave Earth’s rich culture behind.

Me floating in space

I have a confession to make, I like trashy films. I love pure unadulterated brain-dead nonsense from Michael Bay and any other CGI Pew-Pew Fest. Any loud and flashy movie that believes upping the volume is an acceptable substitute for plot and character development.

As a geek I find that a lot of genre films quite easily fit into this category. The only other type of film that shares the same kind of disdain for good movie making (like plots that make sense) is Rom-Coms. Pretty woman is just Terminator, but without the special effects.

Take a fil like Pacific Rim (yay for Pacific Rim II) sure it could have been a movie with lots of intense emotional moments and provide an interesting look into what makes us human, but who wants that when you can have giant robots fighting giant monsters?

There are also plenty of comments from the hipster fun police because these types of movie are an enjoyable escape for two hours. When I sit down to watch a film I want to be entertained in some way, I want an escape from the depressing monotony of life around me. Every blockbuster has their boring parts, they are known as the ‘talking bits’. These are just there to give you retinas and ear drums a rest until the next audio-visual onslaught.

Take the Return of the King, when the Rohirrim turn up and Theoden does his big speech it isn’t there to explain the motivation of his character. It’s there to go “Amazing action scene coming up – take a deep breath”. It is the movie equivalent of the hill climb of a roller-coaster, it’s the pre-whee moment.

Yet this kind of popcorn relief is looked down on, how dare we waste away our lives on trivial nonsense like this. It’s bread for the masses, where is the 3 hours of French subtitles in which nothing happens. Really, “Today we cancel the Apocalypse it makes some obscure Japanese novella writer turn in his grave”. Why don’t we all go watch Life of Pi instead?

Well that’s easy, even thinking about Life of Pi causes me pain, the fact that the movie exists and the book is still in print deminshes the enjoyment of life I feel. I headbutt a granite work surface every night in the hope that my memory of it’s existance is wiped from my brain. I would suffer cranial damage but then I worry that I will rediscover it again. If I was told that from now on every movie, book, TV show, composition and video game was going to be more Life of Pi than a Roland Emmerich movie I think the mitochondria in my cells would spontaneously die.

When I try to imagine what the heat death of the universe looks like it looks like this:

PHOTO-Life of Pi

When I think about what I would rather watch a dinosaur chasing a car or a deep insight into the human condition I’m afraid I’m leaning towards the saurian action. I can’t think of anything better.

Perhaps two dinosaurs.

Fighting.

With samurai swords.

In space.

And robots.

You are on a mission to Mars. Because of the length of of the journey, you will never be able to return to Earth. What about our blue planet will you miss the most? (Thank you for the wonderful pro…

Source: Longing for Gravity

Author: Daddysaurus

Ah, so you worked out the riddle. You just needed to use dwarfish and the doors to Geek Ergo Sum opened. Or perhaps you just used Google. Either way you are here, on my little corner of the Internet.

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