I should sue my parent’s for lost earnings, I had a normal upbringing with no drama or familial strife. How was I to become a famous artist with no tragic backstory, how could I be a contestant on a TV pop series if I wasn’t able to ‘do it for me Nan who lost an arm in a combine harvester accident’?
So every Sunday dinner is eaten in a fairly serene manner, the only thing to be shocked about is my chair at the table.
My seat at my parent’s dinner table is different to everyone else’s. It has faded over time and the cushion looks like it has been bleached. There is also a small burn mark right in the centre.like it has been bleached. There is also a small burn mark right in the centre.
There is only one explanation for it, and it revolves around the sun shining out of a place a massive ball of gas has no place to be (although Mrs G will tell you there is enough gas there for my colon to collapse into a super massive black hole). I am the blue eyed boy, I can do no wrong.
At this point both Mother G and Sisters will be up in arms, claiming that there have been plenty of occasions I have been less than right. At this point I would like to use somebody else’s logic and claim that:
I’m not going to say who said this, as I’m sure the person who gave birth to me would claim this is another notch on the naughty stick against my good name. I do have a good name, or at least the family does and I have to be careful not to besmirch our reputation.
Sometimes this reputation precedes me, after returning to work after three weeks I found myself in a project meeting with a bunch of people who I didn’t know. Yet they all knew me. This happens time and time again, I am known to others but their faces draw a blank in my memory. This may be due to the fact I have terrible facial recollection or just that I am this shining star that passes through others lives leaving a mark.
I can’t do no wrong, at least by myself. Nothing I do is deliberately malicious so any reason to err on my part is purely accidental. How can I be wrong when I try to do right, just because my actions may be perceived by others as inappropriate is merely a reflection upon society.
I can’t do wrong because I don’t recognise it as such, and it is an infringement of my human rights for others to oppose their world view upon my belief system. So even if I am wrong pointing it out to me is therefore wrong and makes the person doing the finger pointing worse than anything I may have done (not that it was wrong in the wrong place).
You should see Mrs G’s face now, I told you people would be shocked!
If one of your late ancestors were to come back from the dead and join you for dinner, what things about your family would this person find the most shocking?
Source: Modern Families