I am not a cultural snob, nor am I too picky about the choice of entertainment I watch, so I’m quite happy to trawl through a list of movies that contain more CGI than dialogue. So when Mrs G could not decide on what to watch it was left to me to decide. Unfortunately I could not find any obscure French art-house films or anything by Jane Austen so we ended up watching bad movies instead.
Calling them bad movies is a bit unfair, they are the kind of films that are never going to win academy awards but then neither are they going to pick up a Razzie either. They are the kind of hammy action movies that drape set pieces on a thin plot and allow you to turn off your brain for a few hours. In fact they rely on you switching off your brain because if you left it switched on it the lack of logic would as easily fry your cells as a rogue electro-magnetic pulse would the Golden Gate Bridge.
In fact in the last few days I have seen New York destroyed by space Nazis, Los Angeles first fall into the sea but then Space Shuttle Endeavour land down-town and pigeons go crazy in London. This is the key point of a good bad movie, but so unrealistic as to suspend disbelief. If you can reasonably do that you are part of the way there, but you must never let up in the crazy otherwise the smoke and mirrors you are using will be seen through. It is a two hour long sleight of hand.
This is where films like Battleship fail, they preload the crazy into the first part and then refuse to up the ante and rely on trying the same trick over and over again. Eventually the CG chase the lady trick is worked out by the punters who rightly feel cheated and what their money back and no end of Liam Neeson will fix that.
Bad movies are guilty pleasures, most don’t want to admit to watching them. We would all rather pretend we are sitting watching Battleship Potemkin (in Russian) instead. I’m proud to announce that we’ve watched Iron Skies, 2012 and The Core instead. I’ve been able to do this with a beer in one hand and some cake in the other and never worried once that I may have missed a vital plot point, because bad movies are good at explaining everything. Even the crazy.
Who knows how the Nazis got to the moon in 1945 but can’t seem to build a computer, but they have Helium-3 cannons that can blow a chunk in the moon. Curse the mutated neutrinos that are heating up the Earth that makes as much sense as the African continent rising while all others sink below the sea. Of course unobtanium gets stronger the hotter and more under pressure it’s under, that’s just basic non-science. It’s these huge plot holes that allow you to be sucked into the stupidity (and only Vin Diesel is likely to be able to repair the universe logic hole with an anti-matter relativity bomb).
In Mrs G’s own words:
In the past three days I have watched Sci Fi classics Iron Sky (a Finnish film about a Nazi moon base), 2012, and the Core. None of these were my choices, although I am starting to wonder why I was ever scared of the apocalypse as it will clearly be ridiculous. Yet Matt still felt justified in huffing about me watching one episode of Kate Plus Eight
That’s because between Space Nazis, Mutated Neutrinos, the Centre of the Earth stopping and some crazy lady and her brood of kids…Kate plus Eight is the least believable!
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “No Apologies.”
What’s the one guilty pleasure you have that’s so good, you no longer feel guilty about it?