The End of the World is Nigh…again
Limited time offer
Are you prepared for the end of the world? Did the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse or the multiple rapturing catch you off guard? Now you can be fully covered for the next time the end days come around with GES insurance.
With only a month to go until the next “End of the World”* now is the time to start thinking about how you should prepare for the end of days. Today I am pleased to announce the launch of “Force Majure Insurance” that will cover you and your family in the event of the apocalypse**. You choose your flavour of reckoning and we’ll be here to help relieve you of your earthly possessions.
Preparation for the end of the world can be costly, but with our cover you can buy all the mineral water and biscuits you will need to survive through these end times and give you a sense of peace as all others around you suffer through the earthquakes/meteor impact/sunspots/plague*** that will be inflicted on mankind.
Force Majure Insurance is very simple, we will give you up to $20,000**** to make all your preparations for the end of the world. This will give you enough money to:
- Buy all the remaining Twinkies and Snowballs in stores
- A large supply of bottled water
- A selection of eBooks from the Kindle store to read in the dark days ahead
- A spade to dig your underground city, a brave new world
- A large enough blanket to duck and cover under
- A tonne of sand to bury your head in
In return for the $20,000 you will agree to sign over ALL your possessions to Geek Ergo Sum Insurance which we will take possession of the day after your chosen apocalypse. Your house, your bank accounts, your car and your children will become exclusive possessions of GESI.
It’s not like you’ll need them after the world has ended right? So why not cash in now and live life to the full while we worry about what we will do with that BMW and your first born. Don’t be left with a worthless property once all mankind has been wiped from the face of the planet. 7 out of 10 realtors have claimed that demand for housing will be extremely low once all humanity has disappeared.
Just as with our award winning***** New World Order Insurance, you can trust Geek Ergo Sum Insurance to ensure when the end of the world comes that the day after you will have nothing to worry about again******
This insurance covers the end of the next Mayan Calendar and we will soon be launching our new “End of the Gregorian Calendar” insurance. With just one annual payment you can protect yourself for the disasters that will befall the world on 31st December (also see our “Chinese Year” protection).
Terms & Conditions
Should the world not end it’s tough.
Does not cover natural phenomena such as lightning strikes, floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes and plagues of frogs.
*This is a load of tripe that only Nobbers believe.
**Only applies to the actual end of days, all other apocalypses (apocalyi?) are exempt.
***Delete as appropriate depending on what happens during Ragnorak.
****Dependant on how much your worth is, otherwise we will give you 50% of your total wealth up to the maximum cover.
*****Voted “Best way to part a fool from their cash” at the 2015 Nobber awards
******Except for where you are going to live, how you’ll get to work, where you’ll get the money from to buy food and where your children are…but apart from that everything is cool.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Brainwave.”
What’s the best idea you’ve ever had? Regale us with every detail of the idea — the idea itself, where it came to you, and the problem it solved.