Pope JP2 made a lot of saints, he had a final canonization total of 482. That is a lot of things to find patronage for. That’s why we end up with patron saints of arms dealers (Adrian of Nicomedia), charcoal burners (Alexander of Comana), belt makers (Alexius), and French-Canadian voyageurs (Ann). We are barely out of the A’s and there is already limited opportunity to be a “Saint of…”
So like Patrick who got rid of snakes, I’m going to choose something that bugs me and I wish I could help eradicate. It will not be an auspicious patronage but I do think it will make the world better.
I want to be the patron saint of nasal hair trimming.
There are aspects of human evolution that point more to an evolutionary descendant rather than some wise creator. Ignore the laryngeal nerve, one of the clearest indications of human evolution is nose hairs, and they are disgusting.
If someone or something had designed them then it is on par with the iPhone that couldn’t make calls or that Toyota that would burst into flames when you tried to use the brakes, completely illogical and cannot be the product of an intelligent watchmaker. I refuse to believe there is some yeti-like deity who made us in his own image and gave us bouffant beaks.
I understand they have a purpose, apparently they are the first line of defense for our respiratory system. However, they also form the file line of offense when I look at people. There is a clue in the name, nose hairs…if they are visible outside of the nostril then they are just becoming hairs. If I am talking with you and all I can see is the swinging of your olfactory ponytails then it doesn’t matter if you are telling me the secret of life or the weekend’s winning lottery number I am going to be solely thinking whether or not I can give your proboscis a plait.
Tweezers have existed for almost as long as language and the wheel, we have been removing long dark hairs from the recesses of the nose for over 5,000 year. So go, do like the Egyptians and get rid of them.
If your are particularly hirsute in this region then here is nothing wrong with a short back and sides of the snout. The chances of you catching a cold may fractionally increase, but at least you will not look like a marmoset has made a home in your schnoz.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “A True Saint.”
In 300 years, if you were to be named the patron saint of X, what would you like X to be? Places, activities, objects — all are fair game.