Corporate cuddles

In which I join a company sanctioned hug and get a branded mug.

Messy desk at work

Tell us why you love us

Today we are having a corporate hug-a-thon where I am being asked to keep a record of the number of cups of tea I’m drinking and how many times I say ‘fun’. All the while being encouraged to fill in my log book of joy so it can be collected by a secret cabal of happiness makers for some non-nefarious reason.

Now that may come of sounding a little cynical, but I can never get on board when a company tries to make individuals feel better about their job by making us all sit around a campfire singing a customer service kumbaya.

Not that I am against such activities, but as a Brit I feel that I have an inherent cultural disdain when authority tries to implement fun on me. When the ‘powers that be’ try to get all touchy-feely it hits my ‘special spot’ and means that I repress the feelings of shiny with sarcasm and cynicism.

Giving us a special day to think about how we work or the customer is a bit patronising; it’s like Mother’s Day. I don’t want one day where I think about how amazing my Mum has been, I should spend everyday thinking about it, and suggesting I don’t on the other 364 days (excluding weekends – for work I mean) makes me feel that my normal contribution is not valued.

Love your company overlords

And no. this doesn’t mean I should buy a card and present for my Mum every day. She already has a gift in me, granted it’s a bit like getting socks at Christmas but it’s the thought that counts (interestingly giving a box with a thought in it is never well received).

I’m not against corporate human resource departments trying to motivate their staff, or even trying to make the workplace a more enjoyable place to be for the fifth of my life I spend staring at a bright yellow wall. I do have an issue with being told I need to enjoy myself and then accused of being a party pooper (which considering my recent bowel issues is very apt).

If you give me a survey asking me when I felt sad today don’t be surprised when I write “I felt sad when I was made to fill in a survey detailing my emotional state”. If you ask me how many cups of tea I have drank it feels like I am being monitored on my non-work activities and I end up getting thirsty, and this makes me sad.

I’m being asked how many times I hear someone say “Can” or “Fun”, so I am no longer listening to what anyone is telling me but playing ‘Buzzword Bingo’ instead. I am asking everyone what that high-kicking French dance is just so I can get a full house.

If any company needs advice on how to make me feel better about my job or provide a better customer experience then rather than some happy-clappy activity here are a few every day suggestions that matter:

  • Give me the technology I need to deliver
  • Remove the barriers and roadblocks I face daily
  • When I need help give it to me
  • Be consistent
  • Pay me

Author: geekergosum

Ah, so you worked out the riddle. You just needed to use dwarfish and the doors to Geek Ergo Sum opened. Or perhaps you just used Google. Either way you are here, on my little corner of the Internet.

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