Boring books

In which I try and read past page 34.

Row of books on a billy bookcase

In recent years I have lost the reading bug, being married means I have other things to to at night than curl up with a good book. For instance making lunches and doing thte washing up. As a result I have to be more particular with which novel I pick up.

There may be plenty of problems with The Da Vinci Code, but it did something Captain Corelli’s Mandolin couldn’t. Make me want to turn the page, and that is a key factor for a book getting it’s teeth into me.

I read Life of Pi, and I am told it is a well written book, but I thought it was rubbish. It won the Man Booker Prize but nothing happened, or if it did I missed it.

For me this is the greatest crime any book can commit, to be boring. It helps if it is fun, but some of my favourite books (like The Book Thief or Hey Nostradamus) are quite oppressive. They still wanted me to finish them because they had a real bite from page one that refused to let go.

This is the problem, I’m not a fan of books that explore the deep hidden truths of what makes the human spirit, or any of that similar nonsense that is lapped up by book prize judges. As a fan of genre writing I am constantly frustrated that there are some amazing writers who are ignored, just because they write what is classed as fantasy (thinking of China Mieville here, it’s a literary-crime that none of his novels have won outside of the geekesque award circle).

I don’t want to be preached at, told how crap the world is out there. I want to be entertained like a Roman Emperor looking down on a father who well get his revenge in one of many worlds. I want action, or fun, or just something that resembles forward momentum. I don’t care if it is hard to read because it is so literary. I’ve read Nobel literature winners (seriously Jose Saramago is amazing) so this isn’t about being an adjective snob, it’s about stories that have little narrative. If I can read the synopsis of your book on Wikipedia, and still be bored then I am not going to invest in reading your 300 novel.

To help me avoid the boring books the publishing industry has helpfully created a category to allow me to avoid them, they called it the MAN Booker Prize.

Rather than sitting here moaning, I should get my fingers sorted and write my own novel. Something I may be attempting in November. The question then arises what kind of story would I write? Will it be a deeply layered mythos like Middle Earth or Bas-Lag? A modern sci-fi parable about the dangers of technology or a fantastical hero’s journey across ancient lands? A 500 page novel of danger and thrills, or a 300 comedy?

They say you should write what you know.

So coming soon to all good bookstores…”My life behind the screen”. The tale of a man who sits on his computer all day hoping to write a great piece of fiction that will make him millions, but puts it off and is far to easily distracted by cricket and girls.

That sounds so dull and boring…perhaps I do have a chance of winning the MAN Booker prize after all.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “That Stings!.”

Franz Kafka said, โ€œwe ought to read only books that bite and sting us.โ€ Whatโ€™s the last thing you read that bit and stung you?

Author: geekergosum

Ah, so you worked out the riddle. You just needed to use dwarfish and the doors to Geek Ergo Sum opened. Or perhaps you just used Google. Either way you are here, on my little corner of the Internet.

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