Lunchtime review : Vitamin pills

In which I hit my RDA but it tastes terrible.

Vitamin pills

The Menu.

Ingredients: Bits of rocks.

Preparation: Close eyes and swallow.

Cost: A complete waste.


Politicians are at it again, this time they are claiming that we eat too much meat. I made a pact with vegetarians that they can have my greens and in return I will eat the cooked flesh of animals. It’s the circle of life and all that malarkey.

As a humanist I believe that evolution has led me to eschew the eating of plants and resulted in humans filling a new niche, primarily that of eating barbecue. I’ve never seen a slug eat a burger but they seem pretty fond of lettuce, to me that says there is less competition for beef so is a better natural selection.

The only issue with this is that science seems to still believe that I need nutrients like vitamins and minerals. This is a bit awkward as meat only has Vitamin Mmmmmm. What if there was a magic pill that I could eat to stop others from worrying about my nutritional intake?


Thankfully there is!

Why with just one effervescent vitamin pill you can fulfil you daily vitamin requirement and have a mini soda stream in your pocket. It’s like a party in tablet form but health and bubbles are invited. This data from one well known brand says it all:

Vitamin Per effervescent tablet % RDA
Vitamin C 476 mg 595
Thiamin (Vitamin B1) 10.4 mg 945
Riboflavin (Vitamin B2) 13.6 mg 971
Niacin (Vitamin B3) 45.3 mg NE 283
Orange colouring 7.1 mg 507
Fizziness 8.6 μg 344
Anti-tiredness drugs 22.7 mg 378
Orange flavouring 130 μg 260
Happiness 366 μg 183
ADD 92.5 mg 25
Data Table 9 mg 90

As you can see it’s like the future is already here. Forget the cure for cancer or living on the Moon, we can now consume a weeks worth of vitamins in just one day. Instantly reducing famine by, oh I don’t know, 80%. No longer do we need fields of carrots and beans, we can just take a pill and we will be all healthy and happy.

All of which is hokum of course, according to Livestrong “megadosing on some vitamins can make you sick.” If there is any organisation that knows about megadosing then it’s going to be Livestrong.

It’s worrying when using one of these magic pills how orange it is. It’s as though it has been self-tanned with radioactive carrots. It is so orange that it was responsible for the word orange having no other words that rhyme with it. Before they were invented there were several words that rhymed with orange but the acidic fizz has erased them from all human memory.

The problem with a nutritional magic pill is that it is a short-term fix, it is not a solution to a real problem. If you don’t have enough time to sit down and eat properly the fault is that you are too busy (or poorly organised). If you cannot allocate time to complete one of the basic functions of living then maybe you are doing existence wrong. Nobody looks for a breath quicker drug and I’ve yet to see a jab for faster feaces.

Removing the need to feed also takes away the worthwhile time it provides to socialise. Talking to others about what they are eating for lunch is lost when we all drop a small sugar coated tablet.

Mmmmm, that looks nice what is it?

10.6 μg of Vitamin C.


A family dinner consisting of a silver foiled coated pack of pills is no substitute for a proper sit down and a carved roast joint. We may satisfy our nutritional needs with some fluorescent fizz in a glass but we lose our ability to talk to others. Popping a pill will give us more time to talk but we are not going to sit around a table conversating.


The nutritional pill is not a panacea, Morpheus is not a dietitian there is not a choice between the red and the blue pill. You want vitamins then eat vegetables, you want taste then eat bacon.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Red Pill, Blue Pill.”

If you could get all the nutrition you needed in a day with a pill — no worrying about what to eat, no food preparation — would you do it?

Author: geekergosum

Ah, so you worked out the riddle. You just needed to use dwarfish and the doors to Geek Ergo Sum opened. Or perhaps you just used Google. Either way you are here, on my little corner of the Internet.

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