Tomorrow is the start of the end of my summer illness, no not hayfever (although I have been clear of that for the last few weeks), but a stranger disease.
I suffer from a curious illness, at times it can be crippling but I had thought in the last few years I had been able to get over it. However at recent events it has come back with a vengeance. I suffer from Cricket Affective Disorder (CAD), I have the Wicket Blues. This particular malady only affects a certain sub-group of people, the English Cricket Team fan. No other nation has been able to report a similar illness (although ongoing research is being made into Australian Smugness and Indian Cricket Mania) and medical organizations are desperately trying to find a cure.
Recent studies by WHO and the ICC had shown that cases of CAD was in decline and were ready to declare the complete eradication of the disease at the beginning of summer. However it seems that the disease has mutated into a more powerful form, possibly with the N1 TeAM strain seen a few years ago crossing with bout of KPERS earlier in the year.
Originally CAD had a simple set of symptoms, sufferers would normally experience a sense of hope and optimism that would very quickly (normally within the 1st day of any tests) decline into despair. Normally this would be accompanied by a knowing feeling of celebrating minor achievements and singing.
A change in CAD was first seen in 2005, during that heady summer the latter stages of despair were replaced with sensations of euphoria and pride.
This was a particularly virulent strain of CAD and seemed to affect large parts of the population leading to a massive outbreak which saw sufferers gather in large crowds and outpourings of Jerusalem. This strain was very short-lived and seemed to quickly recede; this was mainly due to the Ashes5-0 vaccine developed by Messers Warne and McGrath in 2006, and a repeat dosage delivered in 2013.
In the following years CAD seemed to revert back to its normal benign form, however in the West Indies a new and more dangerous type was contracted. This has been identified as Ground Zero for the recent CAD N1 TeAM, or as it is commonly called TwoAndys after the two men who discovered it, version of the disease.
The usual symptoms of despair were completely lost, and replaced with a constant feeling of pride (or chuffness) for the five days the sufferer would have CAD N1. At the time many predicted that CAD N1 would be the dominant form of this illness and would most likely be around for years to come. This was backed up by the authorities declaring that Australian Smugness was on the wane and Tendulkaritis was unlikely to be around forever.
It seems however that earlier this year the CAD N1 variant has crossed with Top Order RoT. Here we would see the initial optimistic feelings replaced with an inevitable sense of expectation of failure. The new mutated strain has seen that initial sense of dread changed to a sensation of impending success.
The new pattern has then seen this immediately replaced, normally within the first morning, with sensations of despair. This would continue for a few days until normally around the third day the sufferer would be subjected to feelings of increased hope, far exceeding those of any other variant of CAD. Unfortunately this elevated hope would be followed by an increased feeling of despair and crushing disappointment.
It was feared that in the summer this would become a full blown epidemic, especially with an increase in AustralianSmugness, but one again Cricket Affectiveness Disorder has mutated. Rather than produce a sense of elation that the earlier strains had created sufferers now exist in a state of surprise. Instead of a full-on feeling of inevitable despair many are walking around with a look of shock on their faces.
So tomorrow I will begin my final course of medication, even though it appears that the main fever is over it is still important to finish the dosage prescribed. It is the beginning of the end of Summer and the final Ashes test.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Nothin’ But A Good Time.”
Imagine that tomorrow, all of your duties and obligations evaporate for the day. You get the day all to yourself, to do anything you please. What types of fun activities would make your day?