Life is like a hurricane

In which a sudden windfall burns a hole in my pocket.

Scrooge McDuck jumps into a pile of money

My current available balance is £10,000,000,000.00. I had just won a billion pounds in the lottery but when you are rich it is very easy to become super rich. So thanks to accountants and tax havens I have been able to increase my wealth ten times.

Now I’m basically Scrooge McDuck, but without the huge pool of gold that is impossible to swim in. I mean the weight of the coins would crush you.

So what would I do with my sudden cash windfall? Let me think about my life as a newly minted billionaire….

£2bn will be placed in a charitable foundation – I wouldn’t decide which charities to give to, I am unable to make this decision. I get frustrated enough with the myriad of good causes all telling me how important their work is. I would have someone to do this for me. The key criteria is that the money should be used to make people’s lives better.

£500m to be given to my family and friends – This again is tricky, I would like to see them all so they never have money problems. What I wouldn’t want is that the money spoils them and removes any ambitions that they may have had. If you had £25m in the bank would you want to get up everyday and still be a teacher or nurse? There are no billionaire public servants.

So £2.5bn down, and most of it to good social causes. Lets see, what else is there? Ah yes the underfunded world of science.

£2.5bn is going to be part of my ‘science’ fund. This is to be used to advance our understanding of our world. Projects to go further into space (I think there are a few shuttles up for sale), genetic projects (how about a park with dinosaurs) or technology development will be encouraged. The key consideration is based upon the JFK mantra of doing things “not because they are easy, but because they are hard”.

Ok I’ve now managed to spend half of my newly acquired fortune. This is proving easier than I thought. Ok, I’ve not spent it on anything really…I’ve just allocated money to funds.

£250m for houses in San Francisco, New York, Vancouver, Milan, Tuscany, Tokyo, Auckland and a nice country home (or four) in the UK.

£250m for various methods of transport. A classic car collection, a couple of yachts moored in various ports around the world.

Alongside my ‘science’ fund’ I’m also going to set up my own version of the Smithsonian here in the UK. £2bn be enough? As a youngster (and even now) I loved museums and libraries. I want to make sure that others get the same chance. This will be my contribution to the ‘Big Society’. I will do all I can to ensure that this nation becomes a bastion of knowledge and culture, no more worries about paintings and archives being lost abroad.

While writing this I realised…there is nothing on the TV. Lets put a stop to that. If the BBC, Fox, NBC, TeleMundo, etc. won’t make the shows I want to watch let’s make them. £2bn to fund my own TV and film productions (irrespective of the viewer figures). I introduce the forthcoming schedule including:

  • Anything by Joss Whedon…but if he wants to do season 2 of Firefly that will be great
  • The Silmarillion. The full TV series. Mr P Jackson or Mr G del Toro free?
  • Adapted works of Douglas Coupland
  • The Abhorsen Trilogy
  • A proper (and non-sanitised) version of His Dark Materials

So down to my last £500m. Well it’s probably worth saving some “rainy-day” money. Plus, I can now open that little tea/cake/computer/book/art shop I always dreamt about.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “You’re a Winner!.”

You’ve just won $1 billion dollars in the local lottery. You do not have to pay tax on your winnings. How will you spend the money?

Author: geekergosum

Ah, so you worked out the riddle. You just needed to use dwarfish and the doors to Geek Ergo Sum opened. Or perhaps you just used Google. Either way you are here, on my little corner of the Internet.

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