Ingredients: Whatever was on the shelf
Preparation: None what-so-ever
Cost: £3.00 more than I should have paid
I’m a good husband, I know this due to the admiring look I get from Mrs G in the morning as she realises once more she has woken up next to me and won the life lottery. To help remind her how lucky she is I like to do nice little things for her like making the sandwiches for work. It was while doing them last night that I was once again able to show my chivalrous side and act all knightly by sacrificing my own nutritional needs for hers.
We had just about run out of bread, and this being a key component of a sandwich left me in a bit of a dilemma. With only two slices of the loaf left who should get lunch? Spoiler alert – based on the fact the topic of the post is “shop bought” not “home-made” then I think it’s safe to say that Mrs G is tucking into a nice Parma ham sarnie while I pop to the store for a shop bought sandwich.
We are having a problem keeping bread at the moment, it seems impossible to either get through a loaf in a week or make the bread last without becoming a haven for mould. The idea of Stilton rolls does not seem all that appealing for some reason. Considering the importance of bread to the global diet it is staggering that in the thousands of years of human civilization we have been able to harness the power of the sun and send machines to our celestial neighbours but have yet to master making bread survive for more than a few days.
Is there a powerful Flour lobby who sees long lasting bread as a threat to their power? Perhaps ducks are involved in a secret cabal that suppresses the use of additives in case it reduces the essential supply of stale bread in ponds across the world. Whatever it is I cannot seem to buy a loaf without it having a best before date of 30 seconds from the opening of the bag. The average baked good spoils faster than an episode of Game of Thrones.
If it isn’t the short shelf life causing a problem it is the shortage of usable slices causing an issue. There are two kinds of people in the world, those who eat the crust at the end of the loaf and those that don’t. If you are in the first group you are kings among men and will never go hungry while the normal folk eschew the horror of the bread butt-end. Last night both of these pieces still remained but like the rind on cheese don’t really count as food.
This means that the remaining slices of bread when divided by two will always equal an odd number of slices leading to a situation where two people will never be able to have the same amount of sandwiches from one loaf. You will always end with a situation where one either goes hungry or you need to buy more bread to make sure you can both be fed. Then you end up with the awkwardness of who gets the old slices and who gets the new.
The solution may be to make my own bread…I’m only kidding where would I put the bread maker? Next to the ice-cream maker or smoothie machine? Just another gadget to collect dust.