Welcome Ladies, Gentlemen and AI’s to the opening of the Museum’s 21st Century Wing. I know you are all curious as to what life was like on Earth before the Orca-War of 2079 (damn you science for finding a way for the Killer Whale to walk on land) and our new exhibition will reveal some fascinating insights into the life and culture of the early part of the millennium.
I’d like to take some time to highlight some of our, well highlights, from our collection. As you know the volume of early millennial artefacts is quite large thanks to the quantity of “land-file” sites around the globe where we used to store all our possessions in large piles of what we believe were called g’harbage. So without further ado lets move into the technology exhibit to examine how these primitive humans used to exist.
Ignoring its name, I mean how smart is it if it can’t even feel emotion am I right E3-44w? These devices were carried by many to avoid having to remember or learn anything at all. Initially designed to allow humans to communicate with each other they were actually responsible for a degradation of conversation as people would rather sit and play rudimentary games on them than talk to their friends or family.
In fact recent developments in the field of technoarchaeology has allowed us to recreate a ‘charger’ for one of these devices and let turn it on or ‘boot it up’. From this we have been able to recreate one of these games for you to try. As you can see from this demonstration, users were asked to swap coloured shapes for another shape in the hope of clearing all the shapes from the screen.
Sorry what was that, what would happen if they couldn’t clear the screen? Well this was quite a common occurrence as the game was programmed to deliberately not provide the right colour. This meant that the user could pay, do you remember money, to clear the level. That’s right instead of using their money to buy food or save to buy stuff (as was the custom in those days) they could purchase a piece of code that allowed them to move to the next level where they could repeat the same actions.
Perhaps these phones were smarter than we thought.
The Credit Card
As we saw from the Smartphone, 21st Century human used to purchase items using a system called ‘moaney’. We understand that it got this name because you moaned if you had too little and moaned if you had to much. Hence the name.
The Credit Card was used a way to defer the moaning by pretending that you had more than you did. People would purchase items that they did not need and then not have to worry about paying for them, or at least until they received a letter in the post. Sorry, the post? It was a system where paper was delivered with a message on from one place to another. I know, how quaint.
Empress Kim I
This is an early statue of our ruling Empress Kim of Kardashian, vanquisher of the Orcas, Lady of the 4.5 continents (never forget Australasia), holder of the one true faith, praise Xenu. Can you believe in the early 21st century people used to value hard work over beauty?
This concludes our tour, hopefully you will come back and visit soon, next month we will be talking about pre-Txt spk languages.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “From the Collection of the Artist.”
A hundred years from now, a major museum is running an exhibition on life and culture as it was during our current historical period. You’re asked to write an introduction for the show’s brochure. What will it say?