I have reached a worrying point in my coiffure evolution, I have left getting a hair cut too long and now every part of my mane is reaching length that is making it both unmanageable and stupid looking. The wave in my parting has four bends in it’s 6 inch locks and the rapidly developing mullet peaks out of both sides of my neck.
I am quickly turning into a 90’s football player.
I think it is time I finally give in and get a haircut, although I still think that as a guy it is the minimum requirement that you wait three months between chops. In fact this should be the minimum standard for anyone, any more than this and you are basically an addict. Hair doesn’t grow so fast that you need to go regularly.
Let’s face it, hair dressing is a sustainable industry. Hair gets cut, hair grows back and gets cut again. Like undertakers and taxmen it is a job that will never disappear as there is always some need for it. It surely is a recession proof industry, you may go a few more weeks between trims but it still needs chopping.
There is the idea that you could try it yourself, but like self-dentistry you are only going to make it more expensive when you have to go to the professional to fix the hatchet job you did yourself.
Other than my increasing bouffancy there are some pretty clear signs I need a trim, and there is only so long you can put up with them before you cave in:
- Using shampoo at a superfast rate.
- Thinking about using conditioner.
- Thinking about having a separate hair towel, or investing in a hairdryer.
- Using a hairdryer to get rid of the dampness
- Not knowing whether the long hairs I find in the shower are mine, or Mrs G’s.
- Being called ‘miss’ from behind.
- Getting ‘knots’ when I do my hair.
- Thinking that a hair band would be a good idea to keep it out of my eyes.
- Using my glasses as a hair band.
- Tucking my proto-mullet into my shirt.
- Noticing it’s bounce as I walk.
- Taking into consideration my ‘hair weight’ when weighing myself.
- Sweeping sideburn hair behind my ears.
- Twirling my locks around my finger.
- Seeing if I can touch the end of my nose with the longest hair.
- Wondering if I look more like Jack from Titanic or Billy Ray Cyrus.
- Realising I look like Billy Ray Cyrus.
- Getting past the point where I no longer develop cowlicks.
- Getting told to get a haircut.