More of me

In which I could really talk to myself.

Michael Keaton in Multiplicity

I’m sure this is not a sentiment shared by many others, in fact it may be considered by other people to be akin to the apocalypse, but I really wish there was more of me to go around.

I’m not talking about the volume of my expanding waistline, I am not looking to increase my vertical (or horizontal) height, I just wish there was another version of me to do all the crap jobs. An assistant Geek Ergo Sum that could do all the boring bits of life, like the cleaning or going to work. That way I could spend more time doing the things I enjoy whilst leaving all the other jobs to someone I can trust to do it the way I would like; me. Forget Dolly the Sheep, what I really want is my own clone.

 

Yes, there are a number of ethical and philosophical issues around having an exact clone made of myself, and especially for the sole purpose of doing all the menial work I want to get rid of. If they had the same physicality, mind and memory as me then who is really the clone and who is me.

This isn’t an exercise in being uber clever about the reality of the self though. This is a look at if I had a clone how would we split up our responsibilities, how would I divide my life tasks to lead a better and healthier existence. The temptation is to send Geek Ergo Sum #2 to work for me, get them to do all the housework and just live a life sat in front of the TV and relax.

By doing that who is really living my life, me or #2? As much as this pains me to say, we’ll need to share the workload. Beware work colleagues there are now two Mes on the team.

This would be handy, as actually there is the need for two of us on the team (and I am assuming that the budget will allow for another FTE). My task list seems to only ever be increasing with menial tasks and ad hoc reports to produce with little time to get my teeth into some of the real analysis that could make a huge difference to our business. It’s my own fault as I’m good with creating reports so get given a list of ones that are needed with very little time to think about them and interpret them.

With my clone however this is perfect, #2 can concentrate on Excel, Access, VBA and trying to make the myriad of IT systems give accurate and meaningful data. This is what I do at the moment, but with my newly acquired free time I can start to develop real insights into customer behaviour and work on recommendations from the data. I will be able to the Data and Analysis of my Data Analysis job title, rather than spending all day forwarding emails around and trying to fix spreadsheets.

This is the problem so many people have though, not having enough time to do all the work they need to. With employers being to worried to take new staff on we are being asked to do more and more with what little time we have. When someone leaves a team the remaining few are asked to split that persons tasks amongst them. With little enough time as it is we are being stretched thinner and thinner and feel as though we would really like to see that ring we gave Frodo one last time.

The advantage of having a clone at work would be at least I know what they are doing, and how they did it. This is my weakness with delegation, I like to be sure that it has been done in the manner to which I am accustomed. Even when using the various MI systems in place, that have cost millions and took months to implement, I am still not 100% sure of the numbers because I didn’t do them myself. At least with my clone I wouldn’t have to explain VLOOKUP or how to use a pivot table, in fact the more I think about it the more this seems like a good idea.

Okay what we need is developments in science to advance to allow human cloning, accelerated aging, and the transference of knowledge and experience to said clone. This all needs to be done as soon as possible, preferably within the next 3 months.

Or instead of a clone I would just settle for an assistant, that way I don’t need to worry about them taking over my life and killing me to be #1. I’ve seen enough science fiction to know that duplicating yourself is not a good idea (or in the case of Multiplicity…a good film).

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Clone Wars.”

Author: Daddysaurus

Ah, so you worked out the riddle. You just needed to use dwarfish and the doors to Geek Ergo Sum opened. Or perhaps you just used Google. Either way you are here, on my little corner of the Internet.

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