A Valentines Carol – Part 1

In which romance was dead: to begin with.

Vintage style typewriter for writing

Romance was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of it’s burial was signed by the clergy, the media, the government, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it. And Scrooge’s name was good upon ‘Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Romance was as dead as the flowers you get from a garage.

Scrooge was a miserly and grumpy sod, his chief dislike of Valentine’s day came from the soppy behaviour of others on this special day. And also the crass obligation people feel to buy stuff for others, his two dislikes were soppiness and obligations; and the constant coverage it seemed to get on the internet. His three dislikes were soppiness, obligation and bloggers; and teddy bears holding hearts.

As he sat one February 13th in his cold and dark house eating his dinner of lamb’s heart and potatoes, an apparition appeared before him.

Rationalising the supernatural

(Picture Source: Wikipedia)

“You don’t believe in me,” observed the Ghost.

“I don’t,” said Scrooge.

What evidence would you have of my reality beyond that of your senses?”

“Rational enquiry, and the fact that there is as little evidence for the existence of the supernatural as there is for the spaghetti monster. In fact do you know what they call the supernatural we have evidence for? The natural. Ghosts based upon all available information I have do not exist.”

And with that the apparition vanished after being defeated by reason.

Then it promptly reappeared as it was a vital plot point in what is a piece of fiction, not a treatise on ghostly existence.

“You will be visited by the three spirits of Valentine’s this evening. They will teach you the true meaning of this day.”

“I already know,” exclaimed Scrooge, “It is a holiday honouring one or more early Christian martyrs named Valentinus. First established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD, although it was later deleted from the General Roman Calendar of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI. It first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.”

“Consulting Wikipedia is not understanding, Citation needed…citation needed.” The spectre screamed as it faded away as abruptly as it had first appeared.

Read Part 2 —->

Author: Daddysaurus

Ah, so you worked out the riddle. You just needed to use dwarfish and the doors to Geek Ergo Sum opened. Or perhaps you just used Google. Either way you are here, on my little corner of the Internet.

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