I am currently in the process of redoing this blog, except I have run up against the brick wall of procrastination and indecision.
Over the past year I have jumped on a number of theme bandwagons, but now I am planning on moving to a properly hosted site I get to design my blog in my own image.
Which is great.
Except I am not a web designer. Continue reading
For some reason I found this both very sad, yet somehow uplifting.
Yeah, it’s not Valentine’s anymore but you know what just tell the special person how much they mean to you…go on just do it
From (The Chive)
Romance was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of it’s burial was signed by the clergy, the media, the government, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it. And Scrooge’s name was good upon ‘Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Romance was as dead as the flowers you get from a garage.
Scrooge was a miserly and grumpy sod, his chief dislike of Valentine’s day came from the soppy behaviour of others on this special day. And also the crass obligation people feel to buy stuff for others, his two dislikes were soppiness and obligations; and the constant coverage it seemed to get on the internet. His three dislikes were soppiness, obligation and bloggers; and teddy bears holding hearts.
As he sat one February 13th in his cold and dark house eating his dinner of lamb’s heart and potatoes, an apparition appeared before him.
“You don’t believe in me,” observed the Ghost.
“I don’t,” said Scrooge.
What evidence would you have of my reality beyond that of your senses?”
“Rational enquiry, and the fact that there is as little evidence for the existence of the supernatural as there is for the spaghetti monster. In fact do you know what they call the supernatural we have evidence for? The natural. Ghosts based upon all available information I have do not exist.”
And with that the apparition vanished after being defeated by reason.
Then it promptly reappeared as it was a vital plot point in what is a piece of fiction, not a treatise on ghostly existence.
“You will be visited by the three spirits of Valentine’s this evening. They will teach you the true meaning of this day.”
“I already know,” exclaimed Scrooge, “It is a holiday honouring one or more early Christian martyrs named Valentinus. First established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD, although it was later deleted from the General Roman Calendar of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI. It first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.”
“Consulting Wikipedia is not understanding, Citation needed…citation needed.” The spectre screamed as it faded away as abruptly as it had first appeared.
The first spirit.
With these words echoing still around the house, like a conversation on Skype, Scrooge retired to bed. Immediately he fell asleep to keep the length of this story down.
As he lay in fitful slumber, a noise awoke him.
“Whose there?” Scrooge asked nervously.
“Who’s there” came the reply for, unlike the writer of this story, the first spirit was a stickler for good grammar. “’Tis I, the spirit of Valentine’s past come to show you things about your childhood that are pertinent to the current feelings you have about this time of year”.
As the spirit said this the room grew foggy.
“Get out of here” he shouted at the group of people all clad in black t-shirts who had appeared with a dry ice machine.
As they left the spirit whisked Scrooge from his bed.
“Ouch!” shouted Scrooge, “You just had to ask and I would have got out, there is no need to hit me with kitchen utensils.”
With that they departed back in time through some unknown mechanism that flies in the face of physics, upsetting Professor Brian Cox but giving the Daily Mail an opportunity to write about how science is wrong, and that time travel prevents cancer but may be a cause of increased house prices.
“Here we are” said the spirit in a moment of enlightened existentialist thought.
“I see” said Scrooge, for it was suddenly very cold and slippy underfoot.
“I hear” replied the spirit, for they were also on the top of a mountain.
“I wish” Scrooge replied.
“No I think they are Welsh. Anyway let’s get this narrative moving” reprimanded the Spirit of Valentine’s Past, “do you recognise this place? Look very closely”
Scrooge squinted as he tried to recognise this scene from his youth; it wasn’t easy due to still having dry ice in his eyes and being on top of a mountain.
“I remember, it’s my school and there is my childhood sweetheart Polly. Oh how I loved her.”
“Yet how did you show this love?”
“I did nothing, I harboured it inside me. Never once did I tell her for I was to afraid of humiliation and heartbreak. Oh spirit, if there was just some mechanism, possibly involving a piece of stiff paper with some cliché poem or love-based pun, I could have sent. How different things may have been.”
Scrooge turned back round to face the spirit but it was gone, and he was back in his bed. Rubbing his eyes he fell back to sleep.
The second spirit.
“Oi, wake up.”
“Eh, what, who is that?”
Blurrily Scrooge awoke to come face to face with the second spirit.
“I am the ghost of Valentine’s Presents” the spirit proclaimed proudly, “First some ground rules, no puns and we are going to get this chapter done in the style of Twitter.”
valentines_scrooge: Okay
GhostVPresents: @valentines_scrooge Excellent, Valentine’s is about demonstrating your love #truemeaning #valentines
valentines_scrooge: @GhostVPresents but should you do this differently on Feb 14th? #loveisforevery day #valentines
GhostVPresents: It’s important to show you care RT @GhostVPresents but should you do this differently on Feb 14th? #loveisforevery day #valentines
valentines_scrooge: @GhostVPresents Just like with Mother’s day, surely everyday is Mother’s Day, why buy a present and card that day? #emptygestures
GhostVPresents: @valentines_scrooge Have you ever used that argument on your Mother? #braveperson
valentines_scrooge: @GhostVPresents Yes #bigmistake
valentines_scrooges_mum: @GhostVPresents: Yes #wenolongertalk
GhostVPresents: FF @valentines_scrooges_mum #mumswithstupidsons
valentines_scrooge: @GhostVPresents do such empty gestures work? #valentines
GhostVPresents: @valentines_scrooge it’s the small gestures that can mean so much. Doesn’t need to be much. Just give something sweet #valentines
valentines_scrooge: @GhostVPresents I see #fullofunderstanding
GhostVPresents: @valentines_scrooge Yes it is a bit cold isn’t it #andwiththathewasgone
valentines_scrooge: time for bed again #genericnighttimetweet
The third spirit
A crawling feeling woke Scrooge up, and after checking on WebMD decided that it was either ebola, the effects of stress or a potential infestation of spirits.
The sight of the night’s final ghost led to him eliminating stress.
“What do you have to tell me spirit? What sage words can you offer me?”
The spirit did not reply.
“Why do you not talk spirit, do you bear grim news?”
The spirit did not reply.
Scrooge grasped the spectre by the shoulders and shook him “What vision do you have that you cannot bear to speak?”
Slowly the spirit raised his hands towards his face, and took his earphones out.
“Sorry about that,” he said “I was bored waiting for my turn so was listening to some music. As I must be off soon look over there”.
Scrooge looked, and was confronted by a tombstone engraved with the words ‘Scrooge’s Heart’.
“I am the Ghost of Valentine’s Future and Obvious Analogies, just like the heart you were eating at the beginning of this tale you are slowly devouring your own by shutting it off to love.”
“I wonder how many people remembered that important detail?” wondered Scrooge, thinking how this story has been as intricately plotted as a Dan Brown novel.
“Probably as many as those who have stuck with this story this far” replied the ghost.
“Anyway there you are. Have a good night I’m off”.
Scrooge sat there in contemplation at all he had learnt that day, when at just that moment the cock started to crow…it was Valentine’s Day morn. He leapt from the bed and flung open the windows as a new man. Looking down at the street he shouted “you there, urchin what day is it today?”
“Why it’s Valentine’s Day, and I’m an anemone although it is easy to confuse us?” it replied.
“Well go fetch me the largest helium balloon you can find, and a teddy which says ‘I wuv you’ when you hug it. I have learnt just what today means and I want the whole world to know.”
“Pray tell what the true meaning of today is?” Scrooge was asked.
“Make sure you give a card and some chocolates, and if don’t do anything on February 14th you are dead.”
God bless us one and Hallmark.
I got a secret Valentine’s message today. It has touched me in a special place.
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What better way to tell someone you less than three them on this special day for the greeting card/chocolate/restaurant industries than with an awesome Valentines card.
From Stephoodle at Etsy.
For all the scientists out there here are an excellent selection of cards from Stephoodle ,featuring greats from the fields of physics and maths for those you have an attraction for. (okay no more ‘weak force’d puns).
If you have already Britta’d your card giving then this selection of Community themed cards from Engelen may be for you.
Finally what kind of card do you get for your blond-haired sister? Why Games of Thrones cards of course! Valentine’s is coming!
Brian Cox costumes ‘running low’ warn adult shops
Some scary news from my Best Man (read more of him here), there is a national shortage of Prof Brian Cox cosutmes…and I’ve been growing my hair and buffing my cheekbones specially for Valentine’s. I’ll still be happy to get my Dr Ben Goldacre on, especially as I have been practicising my “Hands of the NHS’ spiel.
The start of the end of humanity has begun; a court in San Diego has agreed to hear legal arguments over whether Orcas should have the same protections and rights as humans. Of all the animals we could choose to make our equals we chose killer whales, they are not our equals…they are better than us.
I love orcas; if reincarnation is real then I would want to come back as one. They are amazing animals, but also brutally good hunters. They will beach themselves to catch seals. They will drown baby whales. We should not be allowing them the chance to serve openly in the armed forces. Continue reading
Today I came very close to having a heart attack. I had to deal with a situation that was so highly stressful that I think my back has tied itself up in knots. The worst thing about it all? There was no need for it.
As the Future Mrs GeekErgoSum has yet to see the location for the wedding in August I decided to ring the reception venue we have booked to ask if we can go and have a look around when she comes over in two weeks. Now this should have been a routine wedding booking call but turned into a test of my nerves. Below is, as far as I remember, the conversation I had (with added notes). Names and places have been changed to protect the guilty. Continue reading
