Conversation at work today touched on weddings, a subject that still fills me with fear. Not over the fact I did it, or the day itself, but the panics that were totally unnecessary in the run up to the big day.
I had to deal with a wedding booking situation that was so highly stressful that I was ready to call the whole shebang off. The worst thing about it all? There was no need for it.
As the then Future Mrs GeekErgoSum had yet to see the location for the wedding in August I decided to ring the reception venue we have booked to ask if we can go and have a look around when she came over to visit. Now this should have been a routine wedding booking call but turned into a test of my nerves. Below is, as far as I remember, the conversation I had (with added notes). Names and places have been changed to protect the guilty.
My name is GeekErgoSum and I have an addiction, I’m not sure whether it is to bacon, computer games, the internet, Vimto or the myriad of other things I like too much but I feel in today’s society I must be addicted to something. Perhaps I am addicted to addictions and need an intervention.
Being British being outspoken about such things is not de rigeur, it’s the stiff upper lip and all that, so we carry on regardless until we make the decision to tackle our problems. If we defeat our demons the appropriate celebration is a well-deserved cup of tea.
We are not used to talking about our problems, least of all approaching others to offer our help. Can you imagine such a thing? Telling another person they are doing something wrong, which is why I find interventions so funny.
The one thing I got warned about the most being a parent was the devestation Mini-G was going wreak on my time. Apparently a baby is a time-sink like Candy Crush but not as expensive. I don’t play Candy Crush though.
Thankfully an opticians has weighed in on the issue of times poor parents. Phew, I mean who better to tell you how to plan your day than an optometrist! I would mention who they are but this kind of unrelated PR material is how these companies gain free advertising.
However I will reproduce the list with my own suggestions about how to manage your time more effectively. (Quick tip, reading advice on parenting wastes on average 240 days a year).
THE BUSY PARENT’S CHECKLIST
It has been a bit crazy at Maison G for the past few days, with the few hours we have in the evening not being enough time to get everything done. Time has been in short supply for a whie now, all because of one incident nearly a year ago.
Baby G is almost one years old, and it has been a hectic few months, and only now are the memories of that day starting to fade. Now looking back at that day it is unbelievable that we got through it, and did so still wanting more children in the future.
Not that I want to scare any expectant parents, I got upset by people telling me how hard it all is. I think the best way to describe it is that it is relentless. Hard implies it is difficult, but you have so much support for the birth process that you can put yourself in the care of the medical professionals. The part I found most tricky was being able to provide my own support to Mrs G. There is no let up in attempting to keep it together, any cracks lead to self doubt.
As a child there was one job I thought must be the greatest in the world, you got to travel and see amazing things, entertain and educate others and seem to have an all round great time. As a child I wanted to have the job of Sir David Attenborough. Perhaps subconsciously that’s what led me to try doing both a zoology, and then a media production degree. After all surely learning how to make TV programmes and being an expert in animals is the right way to go about it?
David Attenborough has been on British TV screens for so long, and has played such an important role in our media culture that (even though not dead) he deserves some form of celebration of his life. Rather than try to convince you how good he is, I thought I would just let his actions speak for him.
Enjoy the Wonders of David Attenborough.
A wedding should contain a solemn message of the commitment you are making to each other, it should also show how we should care for those around us as well. For when you enter into marriage you are gaining another family as well as a spouse.
To show this a suitable reading is needed, one that has meaning for the faithful but also has resonance for the secular. This was particularly important as it applied to both Me and Mrs G, as we entered into matrimony as a bi-believing couple, and thus we needed to find something biblical that I felt comfortable with as an atheist.
Hope you like yogurt because it’s about to get cultured. One of my colleagues today mentioned that they are off to the opera to see “Madam something” without any clue on what to expect. My suggestion is to treat it like a One Direction concert and sing-a-long and wave placards saying “We <3 Puccini".
To help get over the midweek hump I thought I'd play the famous aria 'Un bel di'. I know it is famous because I looked on Wikipedia and I think I've heard it in an advert before.
Empty, not an icon to be seen. My desktop is as vacant as Windows will allow with only a solitary Recycle Bin sitting empty and unused. Nothing gets kept on the desktop; not a shortcut, rogue text file or gif. My physical desk is as empty as possible so the electronic version reflects reality. It all comes down to organisation.
Basic organisation of anything is not hard, when you name your files properly you can quickly find what you are looking for saving you more time to do fun things like drink tea and eat biscuits. Unfortunately when it is easier to make a mess most people will resort to a lackadaisical system of bad labeling and filing. Which is why most people’s desktops are a mess of badly named files.
As I clear through my old posts I’ve come across one from my pre-Fatherhood days worrying about how I was going to cope with the arrival of a screaming bundle of joy. It was full of the neuroses fed by the unknown and the advice of the post-birth grandees.
Looking back on the fears I had then makes me laugh, I am so laissez-faire with the upbringing of Baby G we have you to cover everything in foam and lock the house down. She’s not hurt herself, which doesn’t mean that she won’t, but we are taking precautions to make sure that we teach her what she can and can’t do. While she is in the “Dog-Phase” (the part where you can start to train them with chocolate, when they just sleep and eat this is the “Cat-Phase”) of childhood we will keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t get into trouble.
Just another hour. All I want is another sixty minutes to stay in bed, is that too much to ask for. If only we could put the clocks back every single evening I would be happy. The practicality of it may cause problems (after two weeks I’ll be having lunch in the dark of night) but I’m sure I will adjust.
If we had twenty five hours in the day I would use the extra time to sleep, I don’t get enough of what I would like so I’m going to spend it dozing betwixt my sheets. This may be classed as a waste of this temporal gift but the additional rest is a boon that would be well used.