A tube of Pringles, turning back time, a couple of loaves and fish. There are things that are meant to be shared, not among these are viruses and bacterial infections.
When the end comes for humanity it will not be through war or the murderous tendencies of Beliebers but via sickness. Contrary to what the movies tell you it will not be because of mass international transit or zombies, the reason we will all get Gnu Flu is because of modern offices and the sickness absence policy of big business. We are all going to perish at the hands of HR.
Along with the D-Day landings, Erin Brokovic or Bilbo the greatest act of bravery the ordinary person can demonstrate is going into the office with a cold. Despite having a highly infectious illness in such a compact environment that encourages the transmission of the flu bug the worker will struggle in to show the kind of commitment that is demanded by the modern work culture.
I’m pretty comfortable being talkative and answering any questions, the gibberish I write here will show I am happy to answer most questions (even if the answer is nonsensical). In most social situations I am happy to wax lyrical when any poser is presented to me. All apart from one form of conversation.
The job interview.
I do actually enjoy them in some way. This may sound weird as most people I know hate them with a vengeance, but I think that they are a great way of reminding yourself what you are good at once you get past the tied tongue.
I may have been lucky in that I have only ever attended ‘good’ ones, where the person opposite me on the table is actually interested in finding out about me.
Saturday morning is the most sacred part of my week, it is the time where I sit down in front of my weekly feast of fried pork products (although some may argue that it’s not just Saturday I do this).
Frying in the pan
Most people’s idea of an English breakfast can vary, some people will swear by black pudding whilst others need to see the plate swimming in baked beans. Some prefer brown sauce, others red. My own has a strange variety of tinned tomatoes with strict rules around their preparation.
Firstly the fat to cook in, for the health conscious you can use sunflower oil. If you want to do this right then stop worrying about cardiovascular disease and stick in a knob of lard (beef fat). It has a lower cooking temperature so will prevent burning of your meat. There is nothing worse than some hot oil giving your sausage a nasty burn, so make sure you wear an apron for safety.
Recent events have conspired to see The Future Mrs GeekErgoSum start to plan a life over here in Blighty, so for this weeks Saturday for Dummies I thought it would be a good idea to look at England for Dummies. This way I will be all ready to impart the essential advice for when she gets here in the summer.
Reading a guide to the country that has been your home for thirty years is a very weird experience, you half expect to be told stuff you already know and spend the other half questioning the accuracy of the information. This book was no different, despite the fact that it was slightly London-centric (we get it, London is big and so aaaaamazing so why not write a separate book) it did attempt to pick out some of the other great places you can visit in England (there is a Scotland for Dummies, but no Wales for Dummies).
As much as this blog had a beginning it will also have an end, the question will always be will it finish on my terms or not. There have been a number of occasions when I have left it to rot and slowly die but I’ve always come back to breathe some new life into my writing.
What if I were to decide that this was my last post though. It’s not, I’m merely doing this as an exercise as part of the Daily Post theme (I’ve nearly done two straight months – a record for me). If I only had a few hundred words to wrap up my time posting to the internet what would I need to say?
Maybe I should start by saying thanks?
I’ll say thanks as long as the orchestra doesn’t start
I have reached a worrying point in my coiffure evolution, I have left getting a hair cut too long and now every part of my mane is reaching length that is making it both unmanageable and stupid looking. The wave in my parting has four bends in it’s 6 inch locks and the rapidly developing mullet peaks out of both sides of my neck.
I am quickly turning into a 90’s football player.
Maybe without the dye job (Source: Daily Mail)
I think it is time I finally give in and get a haircut, although I still think that as a guy it is the minimum requirement that you wait three months between chops. In fact this should be the minimum standard for anyone, any more than this and you are basically an addict. Hair doesn’t grow so fast that you need to go regularly.
I’ve done a few of these “State of the Union” kind of posts, I know this because I have finally finished the process of thinning out the chaff from all the old posts I used to have up. After the Red Posting back in September I have been going through all the old posts (of which there were hundreds) to determine which ones I wanted to keep and which would be consigned to the digital scrapheap.
Interesting there were a lot of the “I’m starting again” and “what I have been doing” posts that no longer make sense and all had promises that there would be no big overhaul of these pages. Ha, I am as good at keeping my word as a politician (still got that cutting edge political satire though).
One thing they all talked about was what I had been doing, but I while it is worth being retrospective it is also nice to think ahead. That’s kind of what this post is all about.
Until the next time I take a digital hammer to this site
Before anyone jumps to any conclusions, that “having” is a past tense version of having. It is a most definitely “we had” and not “we are having”. This is about the last time I was genuinely nervous about something and not worrying about something to come.
Over a year has passed since the arrival and I still remember it as one of the few times was as giddy as a schoolboy. It’s very rare that I get nervous about some event, I tend to react well to events, but this time it was different because there was little I would be able to do.
However despite all the pre-show nerves it was also something to be excited about. Despite all the gloomy reports of what parenthood would bring I couldn’t wait, no matter how nervous we both were.
So here’s the deal, the rest of this post is going to be about babies. If you want to resume your Internet activities please do, I realise that this bundle of amino acids and proteins is a pretty big thing in my life and seems a good topic to write about for today’s daily post but others may not be as interested as I am. I bet YouTube has some good videos, or there is a really interesting article on the BBC website about traffic lights (I jest not, it was very good).
A now vital part of the evening bedtime routine for the little dinosaur is storytime. As the Feliciraptor is still at an age where she shows no preference for any book I can read to her what I like (within reason, apparently Game Of Thrones is no suitable). So at the moment I working through the Mr Men series and just reached Mr Nonsense.
Ignoring the fact that Mr Nonsense is just a rehash of Mr Silly (spoiler: Mr Silly turns up in this story) the most disturbing part of this story was a certain issue with the hydrological cycle that affects the residents of Nonsenseland (the home country of Messers Nonsense & Silly).
In Buzzfeed clickbait style: “It started snowing in Nonsenseland and you won’t believe what happened next!”
I have a few “lonely” days coming up where Mrs G and the Feliciraptor are out and about and I’m to be left on my lonesome. Even though I am by myself I still don’t really feel alone, it has been a long time since I felt truly lonely.
There was a point in time before the Current Mrs G became the Future Current Mrs G where I had started to resign myself to a live by myself, all attempts at having a “Plus One” at social gatherings had failed and it seemed that I would forever be a bachelor boy.
While clearing out my old “I’m so angry at the world blog” I found one of the old pieces that I had posted and it is strange to think that I was that disgruntled at everything. I can reflect on this now I am no longer alone and it makes me glad that I made another attempt at asking someone out. I’m no longer that angry young(er) man. Instead of ranting against the unfairness of the world I’m now knee deep in family life.